Why I Can't Forget Him

the dear frenz of the late khoo tian leng.... knowing that i was his gf... and he was the love of my life.... asked me to move on with my life and to be strong. there was one who told me to be a successful person and make him proud... well my reply to all of them is simple.... i will try my best and let time heal me.

i find it so hard to move on...
hard to forget the memories...
and the things we had and shared...
wat he did was like a routine...
i knew wat he wanted to do, before he could..
i knew wat was he gonna say before he said it...
i could read wat he was thinking at certain times....
i can still smell his sweat after futsal... or games..
i can still hear his voice.. in my heart
i can still feel him holding me at times..
i miss his kisses.. i miss his touch...
i miss his jokes... and i miss his sweet smile..

he was a person so important to me...
no one knew... who he is.. to me...
only people like his close frenz and family knew who i was..
thats how private he was...
but to me.... he is not just a boyfriend... he was a protector..
a lover .... a fren.. a counsellor... a companion.. my guide...
he was my no 1 supporter... he gave me the confidence to do anything i wanted...

when i first died my hair.. he was the one who gave me the confidence.. he said i would look like salma hayek... hehe.... well watever he say to me was a real motivation for me to strive in everything i did...

losing... losing him... was like me being in a coma state for a time being....
i couldnt think rasionally.. and i couldnt make any decisions on my own...
now my support comes from my family or sometimes my frenz...
but its not the same... he said it with lots of love and really in a deep thinking way....

i miss him lots.. as the day goes by... i miss him more.. People says that time will
heal the broken heart or the loss.. or the grieving state... but for me this is not true... not at all .... i miss him more and more as each day passes by...

im sure he wants to see me moving on... and being someone in the future...
i think i will do so.. being someone in future... but moving on... seems so hard ... i really don think thats easy.. as for me ... i really hope ... i am with him before i can move on... i wanna do the things he promised me he would.... the things he promised to do was...

1. to go to penang with me for christmas.
2. to go to australia together for our further studies
3. to give me a ring... for our engagement... was to be on the 13th october 2008... 3rd year anniversary...
4. go travelling together
5. to love me more.... give me more attention.

he was supposed to come back on the friday and see me on the saturday... but i couldnt see him or hear him... cause he was already in the hospital by then... i still find it so hard to believe he is gone.... cause i still awaits him with much enthusiasm... to hear his voice and for him to hug me... and just kiss me... or make a stupid joke...

he was my happiness... he brought laughter to my life... and he filled my life with much joy..
i was a lonely person.. with frenz only bout a number of them to go around with... but after knowing him.... his frenz were my frenz too ... the ironic part is that when he left.... he gave me his frenz... so that i wont be alone.... but its not the same... without him.... but i am grateful to have frens like this .... cause they really support u to the max.... and they are now... the reason why i stand strong today.... i cant thank him enough for bringing his frenz into my life.....

i know he is heaven shinning his light upon me... to guide me... but i pray everytime... that i would be able to meet him and be with him for eternity... and that we will be able to do the things we wanted ..... i will continue my journey on earth as he did... and i will live life to the fullest like he did.... i just want him to know.... i will never stop loving him... and he is still part of my heart and my life.... no one... no one ,.... can fill his shoes... in my life!!!

i miss u my darling tian leng... we will meet again... one fine day!! love u....