The Feeling That Was Lost

Life itself is like a cocoon.

It takes you a lot of "push" in life till you get beautiful results,

Problem is it all still comes to an end one day.

I heard of a sad news of which one of a guy from my high school passes away and he was only 20 years old. I probably seen him before but, however i don't remember him though. RIP to him as I know that he is a great guy through his friends testimonials. Anyways, though i did not know him, yet when i received the news, i felt shocked, stunned, and my heart felt heavy. This feeling, "Is familiar" i said to myself. I felt this way before. It hit me that it is the exact feeling and emotions that i felt 2 1/2 years back in 2007. It is the feeling of losing someone you know and probably, very close to you.

I had not felt this way for a very long time since the day my friend, Sarah and Jin Swan prayed for me. But receiving such sudden news and all the scenarios - the FB comments on the deceased page, the FB page and event set up for him. Somehow relates to what i had gone through. It reminded me of that nostalgic feeling again. It is definitely NOT a feel good thing. Even though as friends only, it affects much, especially if it is your dearest friend that you share your inside out or even your undies with.

Yes, it is hard to accept at first and the day of the unfortunate incident is definitely going to remind of what has happened and is considered "the day not to be talked about". That feeling is unexplainable, it is easier to feel than to define, easier to understand than to recognize that emotion. Being caught up in life's circle, you sometimes tend to forget it. However, as the years go by, no doubt it will be reminded subconsciously from time to time.

It is a good feeling as it reminded me of you.

You will take time to think back of the smiles you shared,

The sorrows you cried over,

The stupidity you laughed through,

The hard-work you sowed together,

One of the greatest person in your life that you once had.

Why is it that we do not think of all these before, but,

We only start to acknowledge them when they are, not here anymore.

Hsieh June

Remembering You ..

We little knew that morning,
God was going to call your name,
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we do the same.

It broke our hearts to lose you,
You did not go alone.
For part of us went with you
The day God called you home.

You left us beautiful memories,
Your love is still our guide,
And though we cannot see you,
You are always at our side.

Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Tian Leng.

On 1st Feb 2010, you would have been 24 yrs old.

With sorrow in my heart I share the sad news that Tien Leng's father is critically sick. He is suffering from terminal liver cancer. He has never really got over the death of Tien Leng.

My heart goes out to his mother who has suffered quietly and bore the sorrows. She is the pillar of strength in the family. I pray the sisters S. May and S. June will emerge out of the trials to be stronger and more resilient like fine gold heated through fire. I praise God that Tien Leng's father has accepted Jesus Christ as his saviour and will meet Tien Leng in heaven in God's time.

Sa Khor

Closer

We're at Awana Genting. Brought June to visit your college. Still find it unbelievable how you could fall 3 floors down. June and I went to the restaurant you suggested to us last time. Damn bloody expensive :P

Dad and mom miss you very much too. Wish you were here with us. Why don't you come pay us a visit :") Brought them to Gotong Jaya for breakfast, but they didn't ask to see the site where you fell. I guess it's just too painful.

Your football team won big eh.

Love,
Hsieh May

happy 23rd b'day

Happy CNY n Happy birthday my fren. guess wat...im warded in hospital now wei... wat a way to celebrate cny...lol...okla..wana continue slpin...enjoy ur day nigga. 5:48am, 1st of Feb 2009.
ws.

Doaku Untuk Mu

Desir pasir di padang tandus segersang pemikiran hati terkisah ku di antara sahabat sejati. Ku cuba redakan relung hati bayangmu yang berlalu pergi terlukis di dalam kenangan. Bebas bermain di hatiku cerita tentang masa lalu cerita tentang kau dan aku kini tinggal hanya kenangan. Ku abadikan di dalam hatiku dan doaku untuk dirumu moga tenang disana. Terlalu cepat hari berlalu meninggal saban hari yang berlalu namun naluri tetap masih terkenang akan sahabat yang telah pergi berlalu. A friend is one of nicest things to have and one of nicest hings to be.walaupun kepergiaan sudah berlalu ia sukar untuk dilupakan kisah silam ketika berduka,gembira,sedih, dan marah. Segala memori yang terkisah tersimpan sebuah diari yang hanya menjadi ingatan masa silam. Walau kepergiaan hanya selama-lamanya namun segalanya masih teringat, moga aman bahgia disana..!

Ulangtahun lahir mu mendiang tian leng ku ucapkan agar rohmu sentiasa aman dan tenang. 1 Febuari adalah hari yang bermakna dan teristemewa buat sahabat ku mendiang tian leng ku doakan agar sentiasa dirahmati pada maha agung dan maha esa disana.

Setiap insan pasti merasa saat perpisahan terakhir di dunia yang fana ini.

Dari mohamad harris fasli bin ahmaD sri aman sarawak

Still Remember ...

still remember tis song ah nigga? - only gods know why- ' kid rock'. our favourite during form 2 wei... i can still remember clearly that u, allan n me will sit together in class n talk about tokyo express...abt how they ride the mountain bikes n do delivery...even tot abt making such business in kl back then...lol...those were the days man.

time flies by like how u drove...45 mins from midvalley to pd...juz to see ur beloved aprillia 125cc bike... 1 year has gone by...xmas is comin... still remember we used to join our church carroling?
house by house n even avillion wei... u n june june were singing solo when we reached ur hse... xmas party in our church...with our beloved pastor zadock then...now reverent zadock d wei...higher pangkat liao.. dono u still remember the camp we went in nube beach? where agent 00i was talkin abt pentium 5...lol...til today there's no pentium 5 wei...he talked cock...

still remember we used to cycle to the estate in kg paya ride to the highest hill to ride down...feels like downhill in ps2...tat's the closest we could get to it..but it was fun...n then we ride in the estate to go out at bagan pinang... u were so into bike till u got urself a trek mountain bike...a haro soft-tail mountain bike...and then the road bike tat cost almost 10 k...which u sold it off for 4.5 if im not wrong...with the carbon rims...sigh...in the end din get to buy ur aprillia. lol...sohai... bought n sold nokia 8310 2 times...then lost it...but u don really care abt all those...cuz u care more abt ppl.

all n all...ur a great fren... a great man...but sumtimes ffk quite alot...esp when it comes to conning me...u n rajiv like the best actors i've seen in real life. during ur anniversary tis year i din do anythin for u man...got no idea wat to do...u were the 1 tat's always full of ideas abt wat to do n all...miss lots biatch..miss u man...hope u'll have a wonderfull xmas n don 4get to sing sum carrols for us down here...with ur dragon-like voice...lol...c u when i c u ku tin lok a.k.a. khoo tian leng...

wws.

jack

i didn't want to write anything bout you jack. didn't want to write anymore. but i fail. i miss you man. honestly, time didnt heal nothing much really. you've been on my mind almost everyday dawg. b4 i sleep, when i wake up all i can think bout are those times back then dude. erm.. but i think its for the better. u sacrificed urself to wake us up from a beautiful messy dream. i feel rajiv, every word was written so perfectly.

been a year dawg. hope all is well.

kwek

A Year Without Jack

Jack Khoo Tian Leng departed at the age of 21 last year on this very day. Jack was to me, one of the kindest, funniest guys you could ever meet. The news shocked me and hurt me terribly because Jack was my best friend outside my family.

It’s that time of the year when many of us reflect on the whole year’s events and make resolutions for the New Year. But it’s that time of the year when I think of Jack the most. As time passed, we grew and we wouldn’t get together as often as we used to. But time was never an obstacle. We would meet every weekend and pick up at the precise point in a conversation we had left off the week before. We discussed and shared everything from jobs, college, romance and hobbies. During the time following Jack’s death, there were many debates between myself and God over why he had to take such a person from my life. I do most certainly believe that death is part of life. Because of Jack, I’m reminded everyday how fragile life is and how important it is to appreciate my loved ones and those around me. It’s funny how when a loved one dies, some days you wake up and start your day as normal and when walking down the street it hits you that the person isn’t here anymore....... jack u will always be remembered,rest in peace JACK.......

Rajiv Loshan

1st year anniversary... of our dearest tian leng

As all of you should remember, today marks the very day oue dear Khoo Tian Leng's departure, living us after a tragic fall which took place in Genting. For most of us today brings back lots of memory, good and bad. As for me, i still remember the day he left me, so sudden, that i felt numb at first, then only i cried my lungs out. For me generally, is the day where, i am left all alone and has no one to always support me, no matter wat the matter was.

Today i would like to tell him the latest changes i made in my life, after his departure.
I rejected my offer to Puchong, and i am permanently staying in seremban, as i think im gonna make it my new home. I found a beautiful new house, and im renting it.... the only problem is that, im financially not doing very well. im hoping that in order to start my life fresh, i must get my financial state to a more stable state. I tot of doing a part time job, but i just don know wat can i offer, or do for now.

I did pray to the Lord, to ask him for guidance, and like i always do, i talk to u. cause i know that u r the nearest thing to God that i know. Dearest darling pls pray for me, as i am in great despair, and i need ur help, guidance and ur support like i always did before u left me. I do hope all goes well for me... and also not forgetting, your family.

My family on the other hand is doing quite fine, my mum opened her dance center again, hpe she succeeds. My dad asked for a transfer to PD, and i think it was granted, Priyanka....as usual... busy with Skul and yup...BOYS!!!!! Prakash... has no change, pretty much the same. Pls help him open his eyes and to be better... and EMPLOYED!!

I also pray that ur family is doing well, as it is harder on them rather than me or my family, don leave them by themselves and always help them, guide them. Show them ur love for them, and always let them feel your warm presence in their hearts. keep them strong.

Your frenz, don worry ur best friend or foe??? i don know... but all i know is WaiSeng is trying so hard to keep the group together, help him yeah??? He misses u alot too... he stays with me and my family when he is in pd. We, meaning some of ur frens and i still try to hang out and keep in touch when we can.

WE miss u lots... and just wanna say.. we love u still!! muaxs... hugs...

Prema

Life is not a Matter of Milestones but of Moments

After 365 days, the pain of losing someone dear feels strangely raw. As quoted by Rose Kennedy, “It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds’. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone.”

I started drafting this post a month ago, but time and time again, I can never find the right words. I guess, all that needed to be said had already been said.

So, here’s a tribute to you, my brother.

A project that transpired from his passing, Décorateur is officially launched on 3rd December 2008. With a tagline, “Creativity is My Lifestyle”, the weekly-updated blogazine is the first of its kind in Asia with the objective to inspire beautiful living and encourage the celebration of life events (I believe it is the first of such objective in Asia after doing my research, correct me if I'm wrong). In short, it's really all about living out your life to the fullest and the celebration of moments.

It started as a tiny idea to create a personal 'beautiful living' blog. However, after putting in much thoughts and sleepless nights of brainstorming, one idea led to another and eventually, that little idea turned into a BLOGAZINE!!!! It is not meant to be a large entertainment site funded by huge investors or large corporations but in plain words, a labour of love. It'll contain a combination of both blog-style writing and informative article-style write ups from me and other wonderful contributors and bloggers.

Thank you for 'colouring' & touching our lives in more ways that you could have ever known.

Rest in peace.

“If I had my life to live over, I’d dare to make more mistakes next time. I’d relax; I’d limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I’d have fewer imaginary ones. You see, I’m one of those people who lived sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after the other, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had it to do over again, I would travel lighter than I have. If I had my life to live over again, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dance; I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.” - Nadine Stair -

"Let us so live that when we die even the undertaker will be sorry." - Mark Twain -

Sorry now only write for your testimonial jack... i read everybody
testi it makes me sad tat i lost a good fren tat is close to me... Got
mostly good memories when hanging out wit him and our pd gang..
I didnt know he got take my pic in his hp also.. Until u guys posted
the pics in his hp in october..... aiii..

i know him since highschool in stpd... last time his character is a
good fella.. but turn to different when went to subang... but when he
went genting inti to study.. he did well... too bad he must pass on...
So it's going to be a year aledi..
Hang out wit him sometimes wit our gang... but witout him pd will not
be the same anymore...
My other frens some need work in kl.. Some other place... Sometimes
see a pajero in the road tat resembles his 4wd tat always got sound
when on uneven road.. even if i online when he will be reaching the
house can hear the 4wd car to go out yam cha....

Tan Aik Sam

Best Friends

If I didn't know better, I'd have thought he was gay. *lol* He has so many guy pictures in his phone. Usually ppl take group pictures, but in his phone, they are mostly individual profile shots.

Like a half naked picture of Wai Seng ...

Usually girls take picture of their boyfriends while driving...

or in the room....

A lot of pictures of Kwek.... I wonder why...

Memories of Gavin in his 'fitter' days... :P

.... and who is Cock Long?

Happy Anniversary

well, if our dearest tian leng/ khoo/ jack .... is still here.... today is a very special day...
today would be OUR 3rd Year anniversary together ( Tian leng and Prema).
i still remembered how we celebrated our previous anniversaries.

the first one was so romantic... but funny also...
it was our first anniversary night, he had something planned out... so he asked me to come over to his house in pd. i got ready wearing a nice black dress, and told my dad to send me to his house. once i reached i saw him wearing a long sleeve shirt and jeans, which was something so rare... i was so surprised. then he told me, darling... today im so happy, cause today is our first year of the first day we dated. i still remember the day we first kissed. i love you darling.... hugged me and kissed me...the joke of the day was when we were about to leave, his dad stopped him and asked him, son.... do u have enough??? meaning money. tian leng just smiled and turn all sweaty and flushed... his dad then gave him some money and told us to have fun and enjoy ourselves.. we both thanked him and left. then we drove off to el- cactus in his volvo.... when we arrived we chose a place and took our seats... then the waitress served us wine.. i was so shocked!!! he then said,.. i ordered wine and red wine was my choice cause u love it... i just feel like pampering you today... i was so happy i teared. then we had our dinner ... paid the bill.. then we went to the seaside and walked... then we headed home...

the second year... was a little bumpy at first, we had an argument and we totally did not speak at all to each other... for days... then it was 12th october and it was midnight... he called me... and said " happy anniversary darling, im sorry for hurting u so much.... i was wrong .... i do love you... sorry. shall we go to amirul's house for raya??? " i was so glad and we both went to amirul's house.... but the day was ruined when i had a bad gastric attack.... then we argued again... then the situation changed again... when we decided to go for karaoke in chearas.... we drank.. we got high, we hugged.. he dedicated songs after songs... we sang our lungs out ... i puked... and he did too on our way back to pd.
then in the room we made up and just slept off.....

this year,,, i guess nothing's gonna happen as he is not here with me.....
dearest darling, if you were here... im sure you will have something planned out... or is it my turn now?? well all i can do is to write in this blog and tell everyone ... wat we did... sweet memories,.... happy moments... and sharing our love... it was a special day indeed... i will always remember this date.... as this is the date where u came into my life and made it a whole lot better.!!!!

i love you, tian leng... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! muaxxz.....

prema rachel

a superb dream and experience.... was it a dream???

there was a night where i had a hard time to fall asleep... i had so many things on my mind... i was not calm and was totally a wreck!! i was nearly going insane... i cried out to tian leng... asking him to comfort me... and talk to me...

when i was finally asleep.... i suddenly felt a warmth... a feeling i know and felt before...
i recognise the smell and the love.... i then turned around to see him hugging me tightly from behind... he held me so close and was kissing me at my ear and he whispered " darling, im always here, call me when u need me... i'll be there for you"

i cried and cried, and never felt so relieved and happy.... i smiled and kissed him and said thanx my darling,.... i miss u so much.... and i really appreciate you being there for me... like u promised,,,,, when you messaged me a year ago,,,,,

" when i have so much on my mind, i hug u and it disappears.... one day i hope i can do the same.... ".

im so glad u kept that promise eventhough u have departed...
im happy to have you around me...
if only u know wat im going thru right now.... i know u'll be all out to help me out ... everyway possible.... but all i want is to be able to feel that touch again... the touch of warmth and love i felt the other night. when i am in your arms i feel so secure... i feel that there is nothing that is able to harm me,,,, i miss you my dearest darling.....
thanks for telling and showing me that u are hearing my prayers... and that you are guiding me from above...

i guess your frenz were right ... u really did take me as your gal... i only wanna say... that u were my world... and if given the chance .... i'll make sure u know how i felt bout you..
at times i wonder was it a dream?? or did u really just come and comfort me... and then went back to your new home.... in the heavens above,,,

dearest darling, in a few days... it will be a year.. but i feel you and think of you like you are still here.... not that i want it to fade away... i pray that it will never fade away... as u were and still are the best gift i ever had!! i really missed the days we spent and the crazy things we did together.... i miss you ... the reason why i smile and laugh...
thinking of u at times makes me tear... but most of the time i have a smile... thinking of the great times we had...

thanks for loving me so much dearest darling..... muaxx....

Room Service

I was reading this junk in my mailbox and it freakin made me laugh like mad. I wanted to post this here because it reminded me of how Tian Leng would have reacted to this e-mail. I bet he'd have something funny to say to this, and to imagine him laughing out loud to this room service conversation or him mimmicking the staff. It really brought back the good old memories of crazy, happy times when he was around.

To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand why I post this.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review. This has been nominated for the best email of 2007:

Room Service (RS): 'Morrin. Roon sirbees.'

Guest (G): 'Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.'

RS: 'Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??'

G: 'Uh..yes.I'd like some bacon and eggs.'

RS: 'Ow July den?'

G: 'What??'

RS: 'Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?'

G : 'Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.'

RS: 'Ow July dee baykem? Crease?'

G: 'Crisp will be fine.'

RS : 'Hokay. An Sahn toes?'

G: 'What?'

RS:'An toes. July Sahn toes?'

G: 'I don't think so.'

RS: 'No? Judo wan sahn toes??'

G: 'I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means.'

RS: 'Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?'

G: 'English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.'

RS: 'We bodder?'

G: 'No...just put the bodder on the side.'

RS: 'Wad! ?'

G: 'I mean butter...just put it on the side.'

RS: 'Copy?'

G: 'Excuse me?'

RS: 'Copy...tea...meel?'

G: 'Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all.'

RS: 'One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin w bodder on sigh and copy....rye??'

G: 'Whatever you say.'

RS: 'Tenjewberrymuds.'

G : 'You're very welcome.'

LIVE STRONG

One night i was surfing the net, trying to find a Jay Chou song i heard month's ago on a fren's tribute blog. Having had difficulty locating it on utube, i decided to go back to the tribute blog to check it out. To my surprise, there were still people posting testimonials on it. I was so amazed and touched...wonder if i would have such privilege and pleasure like Tian Leng, to have such great family and frens to remember me when i leave this world.



Well anyway this post is not about me but I just wanted to share something with those who has lost someone really dear to them. As I had mentioned it to Hsieh May much earlier in the year...you know, you will never forget. Every hour, every minute..even to the last breath, it will feel like it was just yesterday, even though years have past. You will feel pain and sadness, you will wake up in the middle of the night in tears, crying and screaming in silence (so that you don't wake everyone else or to let others think you are going mad) - but you know, speaking from experience....you will heal, you will not forget - for they will live in your hearts. And yes, it will still feel like they had just left yesterday - even though, it has been years since that day they left. But, God has plans for us all. He knows when one's body is failing you so badly in this world, that it's best he took you back to his perfect world rather then to make you suffer. For the rest that remains in this world - well we will continue live and live strong. A friend once told me, "God will not put something in your path, if he didn't think you couldn't handle it". So, have faith and trust..sometimes we go through rough patches, but these experiences make us a stronger person.



LIVE STRONG and remember to pray for the souls of our dearly departed brothers and sisters...one day we shall reunite.





Sharon

The Space You Left Behind

I cried for you, sweet friend,

When I learned that you were gone,

The tears just kept on flowing,

For I don't know how long.



You must have known my heartache,

Though I was miles away,

But we'd touched hearts some time ago,

So I knew when you had left that day.



Friend, sister, buddy, cohort,

All of those, and more,

Tears we shared, and laughter, too,

Never ever were we bored.



Friends will come, and friends will go,

We say good-bye, and we move on,

But we're never quite the same again,

For a part of us has gone.



A heart is a symbol of love,

It is made in one piece and whole,

It grows fuller through the years,

With every friend we know.



But then when friends begin to leave,

And one by one, they disappear,

Leaner, thinner our hearts grow,

And cracks and crevices appear.



So now you've gone, my friend,

And my heart's forever changed,

Nothing can restore it,

It will never be the same.



The space you left behind

Is wide and deep, dear friend,

No one else can ever fill it,

Nor will it ever mend.

I am Thankful

FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE or HE IS AT HOME,
NOT 'LEPAKING'.

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR A GARDEN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME .

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .

FOR MY HUGE UTILITIES BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I LIVED COMFORTABLY .

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH OR TEMPLE
WHO SINGS OFF KEY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.


Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!