for all whom he loved and loved him...he is still with you

was jack's birthday ystdy. i nvr felt more sense of loss than i did ystdy thinking hw it would hv been if he was still around wit his best buddies organising some birthday party n me finding out about all de hillarious tactics dat they did once they were sloshed. i am away from home..so far away from where i wished i was on de 1st of Feb when the clock striked 12. i actually planned to drink for him but i fell sick a few hours earlier. it reminded me of when i went to the hospital to see him after the fall..i fell sick then n was stil recovering when i fell sick again the day before his birthday..i wanted so badly to be back home and to go to the beach..bt since i couldnt, i went to the lake near my housing area in

kampar and just thought of him dat nite..i felt the pain and i felt the loss..til today when i look at his pictures, read this blog or just think about him and all the ppl in his life who hold him so dear, i find myself thinking of how unreal it felt that he was gone..suddenly i feel so detached..like im living in a dream...cause living in that dream is much more better than to admit to myself that he really is gone..that he wont be cmg back..you see if i was dreaming, i would wake up sooner or later, n he'll still be there..and no one would be suffering inside n there wouldnt be any pain. he would be smiling that smile, n his jeep would drive me crazy n id stil want 2 kill his dogs..his sister wouldnt hv lost their brother, prema would stil be with the man she loves, wai seng and kwek wouldnt hv lost their brother, valentino fc would still hv their left winger, de 6 jahanam would hv remained de 6 jahanam..and we wouldnt hv lost a great soul, n i would stil make fun of him about all de nonsense he used to do while i was his neighbour...

moving on is still hard to do bt time does not seem to want to stop just for a little while..everything has change bt there is one thing we can do 4 him..n dat is to celebrate his life here on earth regardless of how short it was cause he has made such a great impact no matter hw small or big in de lives of everyone he has evr met...all i can say is dat let us live our lives as he did and make him proud..keep him in our hearts..let him live through us..n we shall keep his memory and his spirit alive..

happy birthday mr...i hope you had a kick ass party up there...we all miss you badly...oh and another thing..if you happen to bump into heath ledger up there, say hello to him for me k...take care of yourself mr..check in on the others from time to time...dun play to many pranks k...

it was wonderful being your schoolmate, neighbour and friend..thank you for all the memories..

caroline