My Chocolate Carousel

MY CHOCOLATE CAROUSEL
Chocolate cake....hhmmm...evrytime when it comes to this time..this day..of the year...we would have the heavenly chocolate cake..so devilicious that it melts in your mouth..you cant help but to take a bite of it when u see it. irresistible wei..however unfortunately..during this time of the year..we won’t be having that anymore..what am i talking bout?...

Well..its our dear beloved tian leng’s bday on the 1st of feb.and evrytime..we would have chocolate cake on this day..well..its cause its tian leng’s favourite cake.

**~Chocolate Cake~**

i thought of the past few years where our family, for sure are gonna have chocolate cake on every year on the 1st of Feb. miss the chocolate cake..but what is it compared to dear jack. it can be replaced and bought another day..on the other hand, Tian Leng..?its someone, a life that no one can replace. Ever...

There’s like this feeling inside of me...a prickly feeling.i feel like i’m still living in the past and not wanting to lose that feeling. The feeling that Tian Leng is still here. Everytime at home i always think of him..Thinking that he’s in college and he is coming back on weekends. Feeling that anxiety of him coming back....

Now every weekends i remember the days where he would come back in the evening..i was hoping for him to reach that front gate..knock on the door and call out my name..I keep imagining that image..That picture of him..That feeling that i always feel when he comes home..but it is so different now..i wait but he’s not coming. i try to hear but its fading. i try to feel but it’s not real.

Sometimes i even force myself to think that what I saw last time was not real. That it wasn’t Tian Leng. Then is not him and that this is a terrible nightmare. a nightmare that i will forget once i wake up and realise that it was all only a dream and it did not even happened. Then i realised..
“No June..It’s real...it had happened. u were in the hospital, u were there, and u saw him. It was him lying there, that was his blood, that was his face, his body, his hand. That was him and he’s gone.”
I tried to reject that fact. Thinking that it was all like in those drama movies but it wasn’t. This is reality.

When i was watching heroes the other day,i thought how nice it would be if i had superpowers.in that case i could turn stop time and go back into the past like hiro nakamuri?then i could save tian leng.or what if i could paint the future like Isaac mendez?then i could predict the future and stop tian Leng from that tragic fall. What if Tian Leng had the ability to fly like Nathan petrelli? Then he would have survived that fall. What if Tian Leng had Claire Bennett’s in the same case just like wolverine powers? He can heal himself and still be here having a time of his life.
But its all just movies and unreal dreams..

I made up a nickname for Tian Leng.its called Chocolate Carousel. I nicknamed him this caused he liked chocolate cakes a lot. Carousel is a place in the palace of the golden horses where he went for his intern. His friends said that that was his favourite place in that hotel where he feels calm and has peace in his heart. i thought it is a good combination. It sounds like a creamy chocolate cake with drizzles of syrup and white chocolate with a dash of flaky icing dust on top. Sounds elegant and heavenly to me. =)

I will keep you in my heart always loving you sincerely and missing you dearly! especially when I’m eating chocolate cake! ;p HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY KOH KOH!! I hope you are having a blast up there, bringing joy and laughter to the angels around you! last but not least...i dedicate this memory verse to you! Think that you did found the true meaning of love and i know that you are carrying it with you now.

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." (I Corinthians 13:4-8).

With all hugz,kisses & love,
June ^,^