WHERE ARE YOU ?

Where are you?

Everytime, I read this blog dedicated for u, my eyes will surely turn red. No matter how many times I read it, its just like I cant believe it. It’s a blog for someone who is no longer with us. I miss having u sms-ing and ask me how am I doing..telling me that we have and we should meet up whenever u r down in Shah Alam or KL. Once, he was in Shah Alam, but I was back in PD. Aiyoh.

Tian leng, you were the one who always tell me that I deserve to be happy and I deserve a good man who can take a good care of me. Whenever I tell u bout the jerks around me, treating me like shit, u will always say ‘ what the F**K are u doing with this assholes? U don’t deserve to be treated like this la. Feel like beating them up la’. You always tell me that u’ll hook me up with this guy la, that guy la..he said it was some ‘good guy who can take care of u’. (as if I was THAT desprate, but I knew, he was caring for me and he wants me to get the best). Now tian leng, I have found some one who takes a good care of me, treat me good..i’ve always wanted u to meet him.. but both of us were busy..whenever I ask u ‘werayu?’ u’ll be at ur college. Well,we both we stuck with our studies. Now, u can never meet him, and ‘him’ can never dpt to see you and see y u r such a great friend of mine that I always to him about. Guess that u cant see how happy I am now..but my happiness has lessen since the day u were gone.

That morning, I woke up with an SMS from Charmaine, saying “ Shim, Tian leng has just past away”. I broke into tears as I was planning to visit u that every morning. I was too late. Wanted to visit u the day before, but I got no transport ( as usual). Talking bout transport, Tian Leng will never hesistate to fetch me up for some roti canai whenevr im back in PD. Eventhough, back then, I lived in Spring Hill, which was about 20-30minutes drive from PD town. But he always ask for an upah when he reaches my house – AIR MINERAL. Heh. Cute. At times, he doesn’t need to mention it, I just knew it. We always hang out just the two of us, talking bout life in college, relationships, movies, everything. He never complains bout how far my house was, just he usually complains bout the lacking of lamp post in my area. Heh,penakut juga this fella. J

I’m sorry that I didn’t visit u either at the hospital or during the memorial service. Had some difficulties back then, just cant get away with it. In some say, I was a bit glad that I didn’t go..because if I did went, I think I can never let those images of u laying down in a comma, seeing u in a coffin, that will just broke me down and killing me slowly inside. I’m a very emotional and weak person when come to these kind of things. I really respect PREMA for being such a strong person. If I were prema… I cant imagine.

Tian leng. I’m writing this with tears flowing out from my eyes. At times, I just cant believe that u are not here with us anymore. I would tell myself, that “Tian Leng study oversea, I cant be reached” just to make myself feel better. Yeah. ‘oversea’. It is soo over the sea, till no one can reach u. ~sigh~

I still have the photos of u, baring at my katil as if its urs. It was cute and agak lucah, the way u posed. J it makes me smile whenever I look at it. U always brings a smile on everyone’s face. Who doesn’t smile when they see ur face?

Tian Leng. My Andy Lau.

“ Engkau datang seperti cahaya.Cahaya yang menerangi kehidupan semua..”

• From the movie Ayat-Ayat Cinta

I miss that cahaya. I miss you.

Shima.