Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Light a Candle in Loving Memory
This 1st February, light a candle in loving memory of Tian Leng. He won't be celebrating 22 years of life, but we will pay respect to his 21 years of joy and laughter, of sadness and bitterness, of sorrow and fear, of pain and gain, of friendship and brotherhood.
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Light a candle of love and respect this 1st February.
Love,
Hsieh May
Light a candle of love and respect this 1st February.
Love,
Hsieh May
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Unsolved
It was ten past 12 in the foggy n very very cold thurs mornin tat i step my foot on the ground where my beloved best buddy fell down on the 30th nite on Nov 2007. His frens in genting told me tat the weather was same on tat fateful nite and tat gav me a kinda chill tat i nv felt b4...i stood at the place lookin up at his room and started talkin to myself tat how can he climb out when it's so high!?
Mixed emotions running through my heart n soul while rememberin him..i was kinda relief tat i finally get a chance to really look at the place n understand how it all happened. At the other hand...sadness tat i cant hide frm myself n others caught me up too. No words can really describe how i feel at tat moment when i was there..cold breeze n fog sadden me more cuz it was the same when he fell. Tat was the place where his last event held.He was unconscious after the fall and he lost alot of blood there. I was imagining the whole process and it was pain and nothing else. The pain of losing such a great fren like him is hard to overcome and it still hurts whenever i think abt him. The pain may have been lessen as time pass by but the scar of tis wound could nv heal no matter how long it takes. Standin there.thinkin tat how all tis could happen to him..i felt like he was there when i looked at the place n he kinda rush me up to his room so tat i wont catch a cold standin out there too long.
So i went up into his room n chat with his room mates and the 2 china guys tat saw him last climbin out of the window from next door. No one could clearly tell me wat time did he exactly fell. The 2 china neighbours too cant remember wat time it really happened. I kinda doubt wat the china guys were telling as they were claimin tat they were using earphone playing game while Tian Leng came into their room. Apparently they said tat they din notice his presence until he was right behind them and couldn't stop him from climbin out........Wat in the world were they thinking? People came into ur room and u were unnoticed abt it? They said the door were unlocked...lights were on and were playing game..but how could u never realise tat he came in? Same reasons again...was playing game..they saw him but din spoke to him. Wish i was there to stop him...I wonder how can this 2 china guys goes to sleep e'vynite after the incident. They could've stop tis tragedy frm happenin but they were PLAYING GAME WITH EARPHONE ON.
Nothing much tat i can find out frm them...it's like they've practiced tis speech 4 quite sum time. Up til today...no one in the college can tell why he wana get back into his room after the event without his keys. NO 1. Some poeple said tat it's fate....u cant stop it from happenin. Some people said tat there was foul play...Many versions has been spread abt how he fell among those tat got to kno him. I haven't get the chance to hear other versions but when i do..i'll post it out so tat u all kno how bad it can end up to be when rumours started spreading. He fell and broke his ribs...some says tat somethin went through his lungs while he fell and it caused his lungs to malfunction. Ridiculous people with ridiculous thoughts spreadin ridiculous rumours. After asking few questions to tat china guys..after hearin all his part of the stories...was kinda speechless and sent him back to his room. Mind was constantly thinkin abt wat happen... disappointed cuz no one has the answers to all the questions i asked. All claimed tat it happen too sudden and they were shocked. Mistery still unsolved...how i wish tat Tian Leng can come into my dreams n tell me wat really happen tat nite.
A fren of mine told me tat i should juz forget abt it cuz i can never kno the truth abt wat really happen tat nite. Im not a detective nor CSI..but i can never give up askin witnesses on tat nite. I've planned for another visit and meeting more of those tat was there when it happened. The nite was still very cold n foggy when i was abt to leave from there at abt 3 am. I really miss him alot and even felt his presence during the whole visit. I kno tat he is around lookin after us all. I'll try to find out wat really happened tat nite Jack. Rest in peace bro....
Ysync
Mixed emotions running through my heart n soul while rememberin him..i was kinda relief tat i finally get a chance to really look at the place n understand how it all happened. At the other hand...sadness tat i cant hide frm myself n others caught me up too. No words can really describe how i feel at tat moment when i was there..cold breeze n fog sadden me more cuz it was the same when he fell. Tat was the place where his last event held.He was unconscious after the fall and he lost alot of blood there. I was imagining the whole process and it was pain and nothing else. The pain of losing such a great fren like him is hard to overcome and it still hurts whenever i think abt him. The pain may have been lessen as time pass by but the scar of tis wound could nv heal no matter how long it takes. Standin there.thinkin tat how all tis could happen to him..i felt like he was there when i looked at the place n he kinda rush me up to his room so tat i wont catch a cold standin out there too long.
So i went up into his room n chat with his room mates and the 2 china guys tat saw him last climbin out of the window from next door. No one could clearly tell me wat time did he exactly fell. The 2 china neighbours too cant remember wat time it really happened. I kinda doubt wat the china guys were telling as they were claimin tat they were using earphone playing game while Tian Leng came into their room. Apparently they said tat they din notice his presence until he was right behind them and couldn't stop him from climbin out........Wat in the world were they thinking? People came into ur room and u were unnoticed abt it? They said the door were unlocked...lights were on and were playing game..but how could u never realise tat he came in? Same reasons again...was playing game..they saw him but din spoke to him. Wish i was there to stop him...I wonder how can this 2 china guys goes to sleep e'vynite after the incident. They could've stop tis tragedy frm happenin but they were PLAYING GAME WITH EARPHONE ON.
Nothing much tat i can find out frm them...it's like they've practiced tis speech 4 quite sum time. Up til today...no one in the college can tell why he wana get back into his room after the event without his keys. NO 1. Some poeple said tat it's fate....u cant stop it from happenin. Some people said tat there was foul play...Many versions has been spread abt how he fell among those tat got to kno him. I haven't get the chance to hear other versions but when i do..i'll post it out so tat u all kno how bad it can end up to be when rumours started spreading. He fell and broke his ribs...some says tat somethin went through his lungs while he fell and it caused his lungs to malfunction. Ridiculous people with ridiculous thoughts spreadin ridiculous rumours. After asking few questions to tat china guys..after hearin all his part of the stories...was kinda speechless and sent him back to his room. Mind was constantly thinkin abt wat happen... disappointed cuz no one has the answers to all the questions i asked. All claimed tat it happen too sudden and they were shocked. Mistery still unsolved...how i wish tat Tian Leng can come into my dreams n tell me wat really happen tat nite.
A fren of mine told me tat i should juz forget abt it cuz i can never kno the truth abt wat really happen tat nite. Im not a detective nor CSI..but i can never give up askin witnesses on tat nite. I've planned for another visit and meeting more of those tat was there when it happened. The nite was still very cold n foggy when i was abt to leave from there at abt 3 am. I really miss him alot and even felt his presence during the whole visit. I kno tat he is around lookin after us all. I'll try to find out wat really happened tat nite Jack. Rest in peace bro....
Ysync
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
PSALM 139:7-12
Where can i flee from your spirit?
where can i flee from your presence?
If i go up to the heavens,you are there;
if i make my bed in the depths you are there.
If i rise on the wings of the dawn,if i settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
I say, "surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you.
PSALM 139:7-12
once in yf,pastor ask us to write this memory verse in a piece of paper.tian leng gave it to prema and she still keeps it till now.remember that god is always with you tian leng,you are not alone.
this is a memory verse 4 u tian leng.the meaning and the words just so connects to you.
just for u koh..
June
where can i flee from your presence?
If i go up to the heavens,you are there;
if i make my bed in the depths you are there.
If i rise on the wings of the dawn,if i settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
I say, "surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you.
PSALM 139:7-12
once in yf,pastor ask us to write this memory verse in a piece of paper.tian leng gave it to prema and she still keeps it till now.remember that god is always with you tian leng,you are not alone.
this is a memory verse 4 u tian leng.the meaning and the words just so connects to you.
just for u koh..
June
Thursday, January 10, 2008
A Visit from Tian Leng
I got a visit from Tian Leng. Don't remember much of the beginning. Just the part where his handphone rang. It was a call from him saying that he was home.
I was upstairs, in my room. So, I quickly ran down the stairs and stopped midway. There he was, standing by the door with tears in his eyes.
"I'm home..." he said.
As I took slow steps down, he extended his arms and reached out to me.
"No, you can't be real. I'm dreaming right? I'm still dreaming right?" I asked, and felt warm tears rolling down my cheeks.
He just gave me a weak smile.
I reached the bottom of the stairs and stood face to face with Tian Leng. He looked handsome. Healthy. No cuts or bruises or dilated pupils. Just ....... him. Just the way I remember him.
Then he held both my hands, leaned closer and gave me that trademark grin - raised eyebrows, big eyes and cheeky. Suddenly, he turned serious, looked directly into my eyes as if he was trying to say "listen to me", frowned and squeezed my hands so hard I jolted up.
It was a dream. But the numbness was real. Both my hands were numb. Very numb. I had to sit up and shake my hands until I felt the prickles of blood gushing through the veins. Then I found myself crying. It was so real. He... was so real. I hardly remember my dreams. I always forget once I wake up. But this dream .. his frown, his voice, the warmth of his hands, the hard squeeze, the brotherly love in his eyes, it was just sooo real.
When he stayed with me during his internship, I told him about waking up with numbness in my hands. I went to see a GP. He took my blood pressure and told me that it was probably due to air-conditioning. Tian Leng advised me to see doctor again because numbness is usually related to heart disease. Second doctor said I'm too young to be getting heart disease and probability of female is even lower. Tian Leng then told me that I just needed to exercise. "damn fat la you. You just need to exercise and lose weight and get better blood circulation. Else later you get diabetes then you know!"
Did he come into my dream to warn me of troubles ahead? Or was it just a visual replay of my subconscious mind? Between the logics of science and the complexities of spiritual realm, which one is real? Nonetheless, I take solace in the former and the comforting thought that he's looking down upon us, watching over us.
Maybe ... just a message from him that he's home. Always has been. Always will be.
- Hsieh May -
I was upstairs, in my room. So, I quickly ran down the stairs and stopped midway. There he was, standing by the door with tears in his eyes.
"I'm home..." he said.
As I took slow steps down, he extended his arms and reached out to me.
"No, you can't be real. I'm dreaming right? I'm still dreaming right?" I asked, and felt warm tears rolling down my cheeks.
He just gave me a weak smile.
I reached the bottom of the stairs and stood face to face with Tian Leng. He looked handsome. Healthy. No cuts or bruises or dilated pupils. Just ....... him. Just the way I remember him.
Then he held both my hands, leaned closer and gave me that trademark grin - raised eyebrows, big eyes and cheeky. Suddenly, he turned serious, looked directly into my eyes as if he was trying to say "listen to me", frowned and squeezed my hands so hard I jolted up.
It was a dream. But the numbness was real. Both my hands were numb. Very numb. I had to sit up and shake my hands until I felt the prickles of blood gushing through the veins. Then I found myself crying. It was so real. He... was so real. I hardly remember my dreams. I always forget once I wake up. But this dream .. his frown, his voice, the warmth of his hands, the hard squeeze, the brotherly love in his eyes, it was just sooo real.
When he stayed with me during his internship, I told him about waking up with numbness in my hands. I went to see a GP. He took my blood pressure and told me that it was probably due to air-conditioning. Tian Leng advised me to see doctor again because numbness is usually related to heart disease. Second doctor said I'm too young to be getting heart disease and probability of female is even lower. Tian Leng then told me that I just needed to exercise. "damn fat la you. You just need to exercise and lose weight and get better blood circulation. Else later you get diabetes then you know!"
Did he come into my dream to warn me of troubles ahead? Or was it just a visual replay of my subconscious mind? Between the logics of science and the complexities of spiritual realm, which one is real? Nonetheless, I take solace in the former and the comforting thought that he's looking down upon us, watching over us.
Maybe ... just a message from him that he's home. Always has been. Always will be.
- Hsieh May -
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Friday, January 4, 2008
Why I Can't Forget Him
the dear frenz of the late khoo tian leng.... knowing that i was his gf... and he was the love of my life.... asked me to move on with my life and to be strong. there was one who told me to be a successful person and make him proud... well my reply to all of them is simple.... i will try my best and let time heal me.
i find it so hard to move on...
hard to forget the memories...
and the things we had and shared...
wat he did was like a routine...
i knew wat he wanted to do, before he could..
i knew wat was he gonna say before he said it...
i could read wat he was thinking at certain times....
i can still smell his sweat after futsal... or games..
i can still hear his voice.. in my heart
i can still feel him holding me at times..
i miss his kisses.. i miss his touch...
i miss his jokes... and i miss his sweet smile..
he was a person so important to me...
no one knew... who he is.. to me...
only people like his close frenz and family knew who i was..
thats how private he was...
but to me.... he is not just a boyfriend... he was a protector..
a lover .... a fren.. a counsellor... a companion.. my guide...
he was my no 1 supporter... he gave me the confidence to do anything i wanted...
when i first died my hair.. he was the one who gave me the confidence.. he said i would look like salma hayek... hehe.... well watever he say to me was a real motivation for me to strive in everything i did...
losing... losing him... was like me being in a coma state for a time being....
i couldnt think rasionally.. and i couldnt make any decisions on my own...
now my support comes from my family or sometimes my frenz...
but its not the same... he said it with lots of love and really in a deep thinking way....
i miss him lots.. as the day goes by... i miss him more.. People says that time will
heal the broken heart or the loss.. or the grieving state... but for me this is not true... not at all .... i miss him more and more as each day passes by...
im sure he wants to see me moving on... and being someone in the future...
i think i will do so.. being someone in future... but moving on... seems so hard ... i really don think thats easy.. as for me ... i really hope ... i am with him before i can move on... i wanna do the things he promised me he would.... the things he promised to do was...
1. to go to penang with me for christmas.
2. to go to australia together for our further studies
3. to give me a ring... for our engagement... was to be on the 13th october 2008... 3rd year anniversary...
4. go travelling together
5. to love me more.... give me more attention.
he was supposed to come back on the friday and see me on the saturday... but i couldnt see him or hear him... cause he was already in the hospital by then... i still find it so hard to believe he is gone.... cause i still awaits him with much enthusiasm... to hear his voice and for him to hug me... and just kiss me... or make a stupid joke...
he was my happiness... he brought laughter to my life... and he filled my life with much joy..
i was a lonely person.. with frenz only bout a number of them to go around with... but after knowing him.... his frenz were my frenz too ... the ironic part is that when he left.... he gave me his frenz... so that i wont be alone.... but its not the same... without him.... but i am grateful to have frens like this .... cause they really support u to the max.... and they are now... the reason why i stand strong today.... i cant thank him enough for bringing his frenz into my life.....
i know he is heaven shinning his light upon me... to guide me... but i pray everytime... that i would be able to meet him and be with him for eternity... and that we will be able to do the things we wanted ..... i will continue my journey on earth as he did... and i will live life to the fullest like he did.... i just want him to know.... i will never stop loving him... and he is still part of my heart and my life.... no one... no one ,.... can fill his shoes... in my life!!!
i miss u my darling tian leng... we will meet again... one fine day!! love u....
i find it so hard to move on...
hard to forget the memories...
and the things we had and shared...
wat he did was like a routine...
i knew wat he wanted to do, before he could..
i knew wat was he gonna say before he said it...
i could read wat he was thinking at certain times....
i can still smell his sweat after futsal... or games..
i can still hear his voice.. in my heart
i can still feel him holding me at times..
i miss his kisses.. i miss his touch...
i miss his jokes... and i miss his sweet smile..
he was a person so important to me...
no one knew... who he is.. to me...
only people like his close frenz and family knew who i was..
thats how private he was...
but to me.... he is not just a boyfriend... he was a protector..
a lover .... a fren.. a counsellor... a companion.. my guide...
he was my no 1 supporter... he gave me the confidence to do anything i wanted...
when i first died my hair.. he was the one who gave me the confidence.. he said i would look like salma hayek... hehe.... well watever he say to me was a real motivation for me to strive in everything i did...
losing... losing him... was like me being in a coma state for a time being....
i couldnt think rasionally.. and i couldnt make any decisions on my own...
now my support comes from my family or sometimes my frenz...
but its not the same... he said it with lots of love and really in a deep thinking way....
i miss him lots.. as the day goes by... i miss him more.. People says that time will
heal the broken heart or the loss.. or the grieving state... but for me this is not true... not at all .... i miss him more and more as each day passes by...
im sure he wants to see me moving on... and being someone in the future...
i think i will do so.. being someone in future... but moving on... seems so hard ... i really don think thats easy.. as for me ... i really hope ... i am with him before i can move on... i wanna do the things he promised me he would.... the things he promised to do was...
1. to go to penang with me for christmas.
2. to go to australia together for our further studies
3. to give me a ring... for our engagement... was to be on the 13th october 2008... 3rd year anniversary...
4. go travelling together
5. to love me more.... give me more attention.
he was supposed to come back on the friday and see me on the saturday... but i couldnt see him or hear him... cause he was already in the hospital by then... i still find it so hard to believe he is gone.... cause i still awaits him with much enthusiasm... to hear his voice and for him to hug me... and just kiss me... or make a stupid joke...
he was my happiness... he brought laughter to my life... and he filled my life with much joy..
i was a lonely person.. with frenz only bout a number of them to go around with... but after knowing him.... his frenz were my frenz too ... the ironic part is that when he left.... he gave me his frenz... so that i wont be alone.... but its not the same... without him.... but i am grateful to have frens like this .... cause they really support u to the max.... and they are now... the reason why i stand strong today.... i cant thank him enough for bringing his frenz into my life.....
i know he is heaven shinning his light upon me... to guide me... but i pray everytime... that i would be able to meet him and be with him for eternity... and that we will be able to do the things we wanted ..... i will continue my journey on earth as he did... and i will live life to the fullest like he did.... i just want him to know.... i will never stop loving him... and he is still part of my heart and my life.... no one... no one ,.... can fill his shoes... in my life!!!
i miss u my darling tian leng... we will meet again... one fine day!! love u....
Tiada Yang Abadi
I guess this is the song that would best describe all those who know Tian Leng feel now.
(I)
Bila malam datang menjelang
Terasa berat menyesakkan jiwa
Hangat bertemankan rembulan
Sendiri bertahan ....
Tiada seindah waktu itu
Kala dunia penuh dengan tawa
Tak pernah terlintas padaku
Begini akhirnya ....
Reff :
Sepi sendiri di sini
Semua telah sirna
Hanya sekejap saja
Tiada yang akan abadi
Hanya menanti sang surya
Bersinar kembali
Back to : (I), Reff
Hangat bertemankan rembulan
Sendiri bertahan
Back to : Reff
Gary
(I)
Bila malam datang menjelang
Terasa berat menyesakkan jiwa
Hangat bertemankan rembulan
Sendiri bertahan ....
Tiada seindah waktu itu
Kala dunia penuh dengan tawa
Tak pernah terlintas padaku
Begini akhirnya ....
Reff :
Sepi sendiri di sini
Semua telah sirna
Hanya sekejap saja
Tiada yang akan abadi
Hanya menanti sang surya
Bersinar kembali
Back to : (I), Reff
Hangat bertemankan rembulan
Sendiri bertahan
Back to : Reff
Gary
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Jack
Our lives are just like a written book
It has a beginning and an ending
However not all endings are the same
It can be a happy-ever-after or a tragic disaster...
On the 2nd he was born
In the spring of February in 1986
In a place called Seremban
Khoo Tian Leng he was named
How cute he was you should have saw
With That cheeky smile he has all along
Together with his mischievous attitude
He can make us laugh all day long
He was into all sorts of animals ranging from mammals to cold blooded
He also loved to fish and would find fishes everywhere even in the drains
His first interest in sports was cycling
He would cycle all around town in any weather in may be
At first he was very fat
Then somehow he started to lose weight
Into body building he was very keen
A new look he had,girls too started falling for him
He had couple of relationships but it didn’t work out well
But then a girl had him go head-over-heels
It was obvious that he was in love
Promised each other to be together forever
He transferred from Subang to Inti
Along the way great friends he met
Following the crowd affects him to change
But he is still genuine and not fake
He calls himself Jack as in of all trades?
KuKuLengLeng another name so original and unique
“Nigga” is what he is used to call his friends and adds it with a slang
Don’t you feel strange when you don’t hear that anymore?
He would always come home to Pd during weekends
To see his beloved family and friends
He would play football and badminton and even fishing
Spending time with family is also his main thing
On Sunday’s he afternoon before he leaves
He would pack his bag and from the shop he grab some things
He would say bye to us with that smile on his face
But we didn’t expect that time to be Goodbye forever
He was suppose to come back on the Friday
But he had an event to attend
He was all dressed up looking so smart
But what happened next was out of our expectations.
We got a call in the early hours of twelve
It seems that He had a fall from the third floor
It was devastating seeing him there
As we look at him,Tears started pouring
It seems that all hopes are lost
There was nothing we can do but pray
it was all in God’s hands....
it was time.....we let go....
Why didn’t he just wait?
Why did he climbed?
Why does this happen?
Why didn’t God save him?
We have so many questions in mind
But we don’t have the answer
We’re searching for the answer
But it is not there
People say things happen for a reason
Its the cycle of life
We know that we’re gonna die someday
But as for tian leng,we didn’t expect it to happen so soon
Everything he does is already like a routine to us
We know what he is about to do,We know what he is about to say
But now...
It feels awkward waiting for something you think that will happen but it isn’t
Its hard to let go...
Its hard to move on...
Its hard to face the fact...
That he is gone
But this is reality,We must go on with our lives
We must be strong and live life to the fullest
Because
Its what Tian Leng wants us to be..
june
It has a beginning and an ending
However not all endings are the same
It can be a happy-ever-after or a tragic disaster...
On the 2nd he was born
In the spring of February in 1986
In a place called Seremban
Khoo Tian Leng he was named
How cute he was you should have saw
With That cheeky smile he has all along
Together with his mischievous attitude
He can make us laugh all day long
He was into all sorts of animals ranging from mammals to cold blooded
He also loved to fish and would find fishes everywhere even in the drains
His first interest in sports was cycling
He would cycle all around town in any weather in may be
At first he was very fat
Then somehow he started to lose weight
Into body building he was very keen
A new look he had,girls too started falling for him
He had couple of relationships but it didn’t work out well
But then a girl had him go head-over-heels
It was obvious that he was in love
Promised each other to be together forever
He transferred from Subang to Inti
Along the way great friends he met
Following the crowd affects him to change
But he is still genuine and not fake
He calls himself Jack as in of all trades?
KuKuLengLeng another name so original and unique
“Nigga” is what he is used to call his friends and adds it with a slang
Don’t you feel strange when you don’t hear that anymore?
He would always come home to Pd during weekends
To see his beloved family and friends
He would play football and badminton and even fishing
Spending time with family is also his main thing
On Sunday’s he afternoon before he leaves
He would pack his bag and from the shop he grab some things
He would say bye to us with that smile on his face
But we didn’t expect that time to be Goodbye forever
He was suppose to come back on the Friday
But he had an event to attend
He was all dressed up looking so smart
But what happened next was out of our expectations.
We got a call in the early hours of twelve
It seems that He had a fall from the third floor
It was devastating seeing him there
As we look at him,Tears started pouring
It seems that all hopes are lost
There was nothing we can do but pray
it was all in God’s hands....
it was time.....we let go....
Why didn’t he just wait?
Why did he climbed?
Why does this happen?
Why didn’t God save him?
We have so many questions in mind
But we don’t have the answer
We’re searching for the answer
But it is not there
People say things happen for a reason
Its the cycle of life
We know that we’re gonna die someday
But as for tian leng,we didn’t expect it to happen so soon
Everything he does is already like a routine to us
We know what he is about to do,We know what he is about to say
But now...
It feels awkward waiting for something you think that will happen but it isn’t
Its hard to let go...
Its hard to move on...
Its hard to face the fact...
That he is gone
But this is reality,We must go on with our lives
We must be strong and live life to the fullest
Because
Its what Tian Leng wants us to be..
june
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