jack

i didn't want to write anything bout you jack. didn't want to write anymore. but i fail. i miss you man. honestly, time didnt heal nothing much really. you've been on my mind almost everyday dawg. b4 i sleep, when i wake up all i can think bout are those times back then dude. erm.. but i think its for the better. u sacrificed urself to wake us up from a beautiful messy dream. i feel rajiv, every word was written so perfectly.

been a year dawg. hope all is well.

kwek

A Year Without Jack

Jack Khoo Tian Leng departed at the age of 21 last year on this very day. Jack was to me, one of the kindest, funniest guys you could ever meet. The news shocked me and hurt me terribly because Jack was my best friend outside my family.

It’s that time of the year when many of us reflect on the whole year’s events and make resolutions for the New Year. But it’s that time of the year when I think of Jack the most. As time passed, we grew and we wouldn’t get together as often as we used to. But time was never an obstacle. We would meet every weekend and pick up at the precise point in a conversation we had left off the week before. We discussed and shared everything from jobs, college, romance and hobbies. During the time following Jack’s death, there were many debates between myself and God over why he had to take such a person from my life. I do most certainly believe that death is part of life. Because of Jack, I’m reminded everyday how fragile life is and how important it is to appreciate my loved ones and those around me. It’s funny how when a loved one dies, some days you wake up and start your day as normal and when walking down the street it hits you that the person isn’t here anymore....... jack u will always be remembered,rest in peace JACK.......

Rajiv Loshan

1st year anniversary... of our dearest tian leng

As all of you should remember, today marks the very day oue dear Khoo Tian Leng's departure, living us after a tragic fall which took place in Genting. For most of us today brings back lots of memory, good and bad. As for me, i still remember the day he left me, so sudden, that i felt numb at first, then only i cried my lungs out. For me generally, is the day where, i am left all alone and has no one to always support me, no matter wat the matter was.

Today i would like to tell him the latest changes i made in my life, after his departure.
I rejected my offer to Puchong, and i am permanently staying in seremban, as i think im gonna make it my new home. I found a beautiful new house, and im renting it.... the only problem is that, im financially not doing very well. im hoping that in order to start my life fresh, i must get my financial state to a more stable state. I tot of doing a part time job, but i just don know wat can i offer, or do for now.

I did pray to the Lord, to ask him for guidance, and like i always do, i talk to u. cause i know that u r the nearest thing to God that i know. Dearest darling pls pray for me, as i am in great despair, and i need ur help, guidance and ur support like i always did before u left me. I do hope all goes well for me... and also not forgetting, your family.

My family on the other hand is doing quite fine, my mum opened her dance center again, hpe she succeeds. My dad asked for a transfer to PD, and i think it was granted, Priyanka....as usual... busy with Skul and yup...BOYS!!!!! Prakash... has no change, pretty much the same. Pls help him open his eyes and to be better... and EMPLOYED!!

I also pray that ur family is doing well, as it is harder on them rather than me or my family, don leave them by themselves and always help them, guide them. Show them ur love for them, and always let them feel your warm presence in their hearts. keep them strong.

Your frenz, don worry ur best friend or foe??? i don know... but all i know is WaiSeng is trying so hard to keep the group together, help him yeah??? He misses u alot too... he stays with me and my family when he is in pd. We, meaning some of ur frens and i still try to hang out and keep in touch when we can.

WE miss u lots... and just wanna say.. we love u still!! muaxs... hugs...

Prema

Life is not a Matter of Milestones but of Moments

After 365 days, the pain of losing someone dear feels strangely raw. As quoted by Rose Kennedy, “It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds’. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone.”

I started drafting this post a month ago, but time and time again, I can never find the right words. I guess, all that needed to be said had already been said.

So, here’s a tribute to you, my brother.

A project that transpired from his passing, Décorateur is officially launched on 3rd December 2008. With a tagline, “Creativity is My Lifestyle”, the weekly-updated blogazine is the first of its kind in Asia with the objective to inspire beautiful living and encourage the celebration of life events (I believe it is the first of such objective in Asia after doing my research, correct me if I'm wrong). In short, it's really all about living out your life to the fullest and the celebration of moments.

It started as a tiny idea to create a personal 'beautiful living' blog. However, after putting in much thoughts and sleepless nights of brainstorming, one idea led to another and eventually, that little idea turned into a BLOGAZINE!!!! It is not meant to be a large entertainment site funded by huge investors or large corporations but in plain words, a labour of love. It'll contain a combination of both blog-style writing and informative article-style write ups from me and other wonderful contributors and bloggers.

Thank you for 'colouring' & touching our lives in more ways that you could have ever known.

Rest in peace.

“If I had my life to live over, I’d dare to make more mistakes next time. I’d relax; I’d limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I’d have fewer imaginary ones. You see, I’m one of those people who lived sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I’d have more of them. In fact, I’d try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after the other, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I’ve been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had it to do over again, I would travel lighter than I have. If I had my life to live over again, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dance; I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.” - Nadine Stair -

"Let us so live that when we die even the undertaker will be sorry." - Mark Twain -

Sorry now only write for your testimonial jack... i read everybody
testi it makes me sad tat i lost a good fren tat is close to me... Got
mostly good memories when hanging out wit him and our pd gang..
I didnt know he got take my pic in his hp also.. Until u guys posted
the pics in his hp in october..... aiii..

i know him since highschool in stpd... last time his character is a
good fella.. but turn to different when went to subang... but when he
went genting inti to study.. he did well... too bad he must pass on...
So it's going to be a year aledi..
Hang out wit him sometimes wit our gang... but witout him pd will not
be the same anymore...
My other frens some need work in kl.. Some other place... Sometimes
see a pajero in the road tat resembles his 4wd tat always got sound
when on uneven road.. even if i online when he will be reaching the
house can hear the 4wd car to go out yam cha....

Tan Aik Sam

Best Friends

If I didn't know better, I'd have thought he was gay. *lol* He has so many guy pictures in his phone. Usually ppl take group pictures, but in his phone, they are mostly individual profile shots.

Like a half naked picture of Wai Seng ...

Usually girls take picture of their boyfriends while driving...

or in the room....

A lot of pictures of Kwek.... I wonder why...

Memories of Gavin in his 'fitter' days... :P

.... and who is Cock Long?

Happy Anniversary

well, if our dearest tian leng/ khoo/ jack .... is still here.... today is a very special day...
today would be OUR 3rd Year anniversary together ( Tian leng and Prema).
i still remembered how we celebrated our previous anniversaries.

the first one was so romantic... but funny also...
it was our first anniversary night, he had something planned out... so he asked me to come over to his house in pd. i got ready wearing a nice black dress, and told my dad to send me to his house. once i reached i saw him wearing a long sleeve shirt and jeans, which was something so rare... i was so surprised. then he told me, darling... today im so happy, cause today is our first year of the first day we dated. i still remember the day we first kissed. i love you darling.... hugged me and kissed me...the joke of the day was when we were about to leave, his dad stopped him and asked him, son.... do u have enough??? meaning money. tian leng just smiled and turn all sweaty and flushed... his dad then gave him some money and told us to have fun and enjoy ourselves.. we both thanked him and left. then we drove off to el- cactus in his volvo.... when we arrived we chose a place and took our seats... then the waitress served us wine.. i was so shocked!!! he then said,.. i ordered wine and red wine was my choice cause u love it... i just feel like pampering you today... i was so happy i teared. then we had our dinner ... paid the bill.. then we went to the seaside and walked... then we headed home...

the second year... was a little bumpy at first, we had an argument and we totally did not speak at all to each other... for days... then it was 12th october and it was midnight... he called me... and said " happy anniversary darling, im sorry for hurting u so much.... i was wrong .... i do love you... sorry. shall we go to amirul's house for raya??? " i was so glad and we both went to amirul's house.... but the day was ruined when i had a bad gastric attack.... then we argued again... then the situation changed again... when we decided to go for karaoke in chearas.... we drank.. we got high, we hugged.. he dedicated songs after songs... we sang our lungs out ... i puked... and he did too on our way back to pd.
then in the room we made up and just slept off.....

this year,,, i guess nothing's gonna happen as he is not here with me.....
dearest darling, if you were here... im sure you will have something planned out... or is it my turn now?? well all i can do is to write in this blog and tell everyone ... wat we did... sweet memories,.... happy moments... and sharing our love... it was a special day indeed... i will always remember this date.... as this is the date where u came into my life and made it a whole lot better.!!!!

i love you, tian leng... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!! muaxxz.....

prema rachel

a superb dream and experience.... was it a dream???

there was a night where i had a hard time to fall asleep... i had so many things on my mind... i was not calm and was totally a wreck!! i was nearly going insane... i cried out to tian leng... asking him to comfort me... and talk to me...

when i was finally asleep.... i suddenly felt a warmth... a feeling i know and felt before...
i recognise the smell and the love.... i then turned around to see him hugging me tightly from behind... he held me so close and was kissing me at my ear and he whispered " darling, im always here, call me when u need me... i'll be there for you"

i cried and cried, and never felt so relieved and happy.... i smiled and kissed him and said thanx my darling,.... i miss u so much.... and i really appreciate you being there for me... like u promised,,,,, when you messaged me a year ago,,,,,

" when i have so much on my mind, i hug u and it disappears.... one day i hope i can do the same.... ".

im so glad u kept that promise eventhough u have departed...
im happy to have you around me...
if only u know wat im going thru right now.... i know u'll be all out to help me out ... everyway possible.... but all i want is to be able to feel that touch again... the touch of warmth and love i felt the other night. when i am in your arms i feel so secure... i feel that there is nothing that is able to harm me,,,, i miss you my dearest darling.....
thanks for telling and showing me that u are hearing my prayers... and that you are guiding me from above...

i guess your frenz were right ... u really did take me as your gal... i only wanna say... that u were my world... and if given the chance .... i'll make sure u know how i felt bout you..
at times i wonder was it a dream?? or did u really just come and comfort me... and then went back to your new home.... in the heavens above,,,

dearest darling, in a few days... it will be a year.. but i feel you and think of you like you are still here.... not that i want it to fade away... i pray that it will never fade away... as u were and still are the best gift i ever had!! i really missed the days we spent and the crazy things we did together.... i miss you ... the reason why i smile and laugh...
thinking of u at times makes me tear... but most of the time i have a smile... thinking of the great times we had...

thanks for loving me so much dearest darling..... muaxx....

Room Service

I was reading this junk in my mailbox and it freakin made me laugh like mad. I wanted to post this here because it reminded me of how Tian Leng would have reacted to this e-mail. I bet he'd have something funny to say to this, and to imagine him laughing out loud to this room service conversation or him mimmicking the staff. It really brought back the good old memories of crazy, happy times when he was around.

To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand why I post this.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review. This has been nominated for the best email of 2007:

Room Service (RS): 'Morrin. Roon sirbees.'

Guest (G): 'Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.'

RS: 'Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??'

G: 'Uh..yes.I'd like some bacon and eggs.'

RS: 'Ow July den?'

G: 'What??'

RS: 'Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?'

G : 'Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.'

RS: 'Ow July dee baykem? Crease?'

G: 'Crisp will be fine.'

RS : 'Hokay. An Sahn toes?'

G: 'What?'

RS:'An toes. July Sahn toes?'

G: 'I don't think so.'

RS: 'No? Judo wan sahn toes??'

G: 'I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means.'

RS: 'Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?'

G: 'English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.'

RS: 'We bodder?'

G: 'No...just put the bodder on the side.'

RS: 'Wad! ?'

G: 'I mean butter...just put it on the side.'

RS: 'Copy?'

G: 'Excuse me?'

RS: 'Copy...tea...meel?'

G: 'Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all.'

RS: 'One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin w bodder on sigh and copy....rye??'

G: 'Whatever you say.'

RS: 'Tenjewberrymuds.'

G : 'You're very welcome.'

LIVE STRONG

One night i was surfing the net, trying to find a Jay Chou song i heard month's ago on a fren's tribute blog. Having had difficulty locating it on utube, i decided to go back to the tribute blog to check it out. To my surprise, there were still people posting testimonials on it. I was so amazed and touched...wonder if i would have such privilege and pleasure like Tian Leng, to have such great family and frens to remember me when i leave this world.



Well anyway this post is not about me but I just wanted to share something with those who has lost someone really dear to them. As I had mentioned it to Hsieh May much earlier in the year...you know, you will never forget. Every hour, every minute..even to the last breath, it will feel like it was just yesterday, even though years have past. You will feel pain and sadness, you will wake up in the middle of the night in tears, crying and screaming in silence (so that you don't wake everyone else or to let others think you are going mad) - but you know, speaking from experience....you will heal, you will not forget - for they will live in your hearts. And yes, it will still feel like they had just left yesterday - even though, it has been years since that day they left. But, God has plans for us all. He knows when one's body is failing you so badly in this world, that it's best he took you back to his perfect world rather then to make you suffer. For the rest that remains in this world - well we will continue live and live strong. A friend once told me, "God will not put something in your path, if he didn't think you couldn't handle it". So, have faith and trust..sometimes we go through rough patches, but these experiences make us a stronger person.



LIVE STRONG and remember to pray for the souls of our dearly departed brothers and sisters...one day we shall reunite.





Sharon

The Space You Left Behind

I cried for you, sweet friend,

When I learned that you were gone,

The tears just kept on flowing,

For I don't know how long.



You must have known my heartache,

Though I was miles away,

But we'd touched hearts some time ago,

So I knew when you had left that day.



Friend, sister, buddy, cohort,

All of those, and more,

Tears we shared, and laughter, too,

Never ever were we bored.



Friends will come, and friends will go,

We say good-bye, and we move on,

But we're never quite the same again,

For a part of us has gone.



A heart is a symbol of love,

It is made in one piece and whole,

It grows fuller through the years,

With every friend we know.



But then when friends begin to leave,

And one by one, they disappear,

Leaner, thinner our hearts grow,

And cracks and crevices appear.



So now you've gone, my friend,

And my heart's forever changed,

Nothing can restore it,

It will never be the same.



The space you left behind

Is wide and deep, dear friend,

No one else can ever fill it,

Nor will it ever mend.

I am Thankful

FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE or HE IS AT HOME,
NOT 'LEPAKING'.

FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.

FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR A GARDEN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME .

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .

FOR MY HUGE UTILITIES BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I LIVED COMFORTABLY .

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH OR TEMPLE
WHO SINGS OFF KEY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.


Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!

You've got Mail

I was so busy I almost forgot to post this until Wai Seng texted me the other day.


Few months back, I posted about this freaky sms incident. It happened again last month. I received 3 new messages, 2 of them - 1 from my bride about setting appointment and another 1 was sms blast on some sales/promotion. The 3rd sms was from Tian Leng. I clicked on it, and then it dissappeared. Well, at least this time I had a witness so I know I'm not crazy.

So where is his phone & SIM card? Somewhere in the closet, totally out of battery and no credit.

Purpose Driven Life (cont..)

I like the bit Hsieh May wrote on the " Purpose Driven Life". It is a great book and was on the best seller chart for a long time. The author Dick Warren also wrote an accompanyiny workbook "40 Days of Purpose" and there is also a VCD on how to study the book. After reading the book you will look at life from a different perspective.

I like what Hsieh May wrote on" Love". I want to add more to what Hsieh May wrote on "love"......

"If I could speak in any language in heaven and on earth but did not love others, I would only be making a meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbals....and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything but did not love others what good would I be?...If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it but if I do not love others, I would be of no value whatsoever.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own ways. Love is not irritable and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices when the truth is out. Love never gives up, never loses faith. It's always hopeful, and endures through every circumstances. Love will last forever. There are three things that will endure:- Faith, Hope and Love and the greatest of these is LOVE."

Tian Leng had loved and we had returned that love to the point of great pain in losing him.But a little bit of him will always live in each of us and that is the love he had given.

Sa Khor

PS Tien Kheng, are you still following the Blog.

The Purpose Driven Life

Was reading this book and would like to share some of the excerpts here.

The Best Use of Life is Love

Love leaves a legacy. How you treated other people, not your wealth or accomplishments, is the most enduring impact you can leave on earth. As Mother Teresa said, "Its not what you do, but how much love you put into it that matters." Love is the secret of a lasting heritage.

I have been at the bedside of many people in their final moments, when they stand on the edge of eternity, and I have never heard anyone say, "Bring me my diplomas! I want to look at them one more time." When life on earth is ending, people don't surround themselves with objects. What we want around us is people - people we love and have relationships with.

In our final moments we all realise that relationships are what life is all about. Wisdom is learning that truth sooner or rather than later. Don't wait until you're on your deathbed to figure out that nothing matters more.

We will be evaluated on our love. The third reason to make learning to love the goal of your life is that it is what we will be evaluated on in eternity. One of the ways God measures spiritual maturity is by the quality of your relationships. In heaven God won't say, "Tell me about your career, your bank account and your hobbies." Instead, he will review how you treated other people, particularly those in need. Jesus said the way to love him is to love his family and care for their practical needs: "Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one fo the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me."

When you transfer into eternity, you will leave everything else behind. All you're taking with you is your character. That's why the bible says, "The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."

The Best Expression of Love is Time

Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can't make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.

You are Not an Accident

You are who you are for a reason.
You're part of an intricate plan.
You're precious and perfect unique design,
called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what he wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with GOd's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.

No, the trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!



Luv,
Hsieh May

I Feel So Sad

i feel so sad...
i feel so weak...
i feel so hurt...
deep within..

five months it has been
yet i felt it was just yesterday
i have a scar in my heart
that forever will stay

tell me its not real
tell me its fake
tell me its a dream
that i'll soon awake

why did that happen?
why did he go??
how can he leave us???
here all alone..

i pray for you to stay
i pray for you to awake
i pray hard day and night
but it seems its all fake!

it feels like i've lost all hopes
i've lost all my dreams
i feel like giving up
cuz without you it all seems unmeaningful

i wanna see you again
feel your warmth,kiss your face
i wanna hug you again,
hear your voice all again

i'm afraid of being alone
for i'll cry like i do often
i don't wanna weep no more
but it seems i can't

Forever i'll be sad
Forever you'll be gone
even if Forever i wish
you'll never come back...

i'll try to be happy..
i'll try to accept ther fact..
but to achieve that..
i hope your guidance to help..

June

I have followed Tien Leng's blog from the beginning and continue to read it every now and then for updates. I had cried with his parents and sisters at his funeral and shared the sorrow of the loss of Tien Leng through this wonderful blog. I asked the Lord why Tian Leng was taken away so cruelly when he was at the prime of his life. Tien Leng was God's gift to us to enjoy for a period of time. We are not to hold tightly what God has blessed us. We enjoyed having him around for 20 short years. He had enriched and spiced up our lives and left us with so many wonderful memories. He had influenced us and made his mark in our lives.God has taken Tien Leng back home to heaven. Those of us who know our Lord Jesus will see him again when our time on this earth is over. We thank our Lord for letting us have Tien Leng while he was on earth. Yes he is having a better time in heaven and probably saying " hey guys, dont worry about me up here, This is heaven, you know, this is heavenly. When your time on earth is up come and join me but not before that. Live out your dreams"

Sheh May asked "How to let go of our pains and sorrows of the loss of Lengleng." Letting go is to tell our Lord Jesus that we do not know how to deal with our pains and loss and to let God take over our lives. I whisper a little prayer for you Sheh May and Jun and all of you in pain that our Lord will heal you all. Letting is to recall all the beautiful memories of Lengleng with a smile and thanking God for Lengleng who shared his life with us.Lengleng is the sun rays which light up our lives, warmed up our hearts gave us his joys and then is gone.Thank you Lord.

Sa Khor
(3rd Aunty)

tian leng...

tian leng...
shima is right!! i dunno how to carry on with ma life!!
i really dont know how to even make a step or take a step....
everything i do.. or everywhere i go.. i see you..
i remember you.. and i can even picture you...
sometimes when i think of you .. its like i can feel you...

i have seen every part.. every single part of you!!
i have seen when u are happy.. the smile,,
i have seen when you are sad... when you cried on my shoulders...
i have seen you when you were high.. drinking so much!!
i have seen you when u are angry!!
i have seen you bare- bodied!! always asking whether your body nice or not???
look like arnold or not??
nice 6 packs or not??
i have seen you sick like hell...
i have seen you shy
i have seen you so nervous ....
and to add to my list ...
i have seen you..... lying still... so still....
bleeding every single part of your body...
seen you looking so different...
not like the macho guy or leng chai i know....
lying so still... so motionless... not like usual... always moving.. up and down...
i saw the hours you were crashing... when u were not stable...
i saw when they inserted the tube into your airway!
i saw when they were touching like every other patient... moving you .. turning you...
i saw how many lines and how many infusions you had,.
i saw the amount of blood transfused..
i saw the wound of your surgery... your 6 pack was gone!!!
i felt how acidic your body was....
but u still smelt the same!!
i kissed u... when u were warm.... and now even when u were stiff and cold!!
i saw the last few mins of your life when you took your last breath..
i was there to see your heart stop slowly.....
i was there to see all your fluids... coming out of your mouth... when u left us...
i was there when the nurses cleaned you up...
i helped you wear your sweater,,,,
i helped you tie your shoe lace...


the list can go on....

tian leng....
i confess... i am not doing to good now... without you in my life...
i have lost the directions to a happy life!
i just need my little compass ...
or a bright light shining so brightly from heaven... to guide me
or an angel who loves me... to protect me...
tian leng... i wonder why you?? not me...
cause.. if its me... pd would not have changed...
your frenz will have you...
your family will have you...
your genting frenz... will be happy again...
kwek will be funny again...
plakas will shuffle like mad like in malacca
wai seng will still have a brother... and partner in crime
they will have you and you have them...
and my departure wouldnt be sad.. or heart breaking....
things would be fine....

why??? why you my dear tian leng..... why.....

Things are Never the Same Without You

Jack,

things are never the same without u around. ppl say time heals, i really want to believe that. but in this case, it's just not the same. every now and then when i come across people or things that remind me of you, i still hold on tightly to my self denial that you are still around. help me overcome my fear jack, help me overcome my denial. help me overcome my fears of returning home to malaysia. because i am still after all these months, not ready to face your departure.

i miss you.

kwek

WHERE ARE YOU ?

Where are you?

Everytime, I read this blog dedicated for u, my eyes will surely turn red. No matter how many times I read it, its just like I cant believe it. It’s a blog for someone who is no longer with us. I miss having u sms-ing and ask me how am I doing..telling me that we have and we should meet up whenever u r down in Shah Alam or KL. Once, he was in Shah Alam, but I was back in PD. Aiyoh.

Tian leng, you were the one who always tell me that I deserve to be happy and I deserve a good man who can take a good care of me. Whenever I tell u bout the jerks around me, treating me like shit, u will always say ‘ what the F**K are u doing with this assholes? U don’t deserve to be treated like this la. Feel like beating them up la’. You always tell me that u’ll hook me up with this guy la, that guy la..he said it was some ‘good guy who can take care of u’. (as if I was THAT desprate, but I knew, he was caring for me and he wants me to get the best). Now tian leng, I have found some one who takes a good care of me, treat me good..i’ve always wanted u to meet him.. but both of us were busy..whenever I ask u ‘werayu?’ u’ll be at ur college. Well,we both we stuck with our studies. Now, u can never meet him, and ‘him’ can never dpt to see you and see y u r such a great friend of mine that I always to him about. Guess that u cant see how happy I am now..but my happiness has lessen since the day u were gone.

That morning, I woke up with an SMS from Charmaine, saying “ Shim, Tian leng has just past away”. I broke into tears as I was planning to visit u that every morning. I was too late. Wanted to visit u the day before, but I got no transport ( as usual). Talking bout transport, Tian Leng will never hesistate to fetch me up for some roti canai whenevr im back in PD. Eventhough, back then, I lived in Spring Hill, which was about 20-30minutes drive from PD town. But he always ask for an upah when he reaches my house – AIR MINERAL. Heh. Cute. At times, he doesn’t need to mention it, I just knew it. We always hang out just the two of us, talking bout life in college, relationships, movies, everything. He never complains bout how far my house was, just he usually complains bout the lacking of lamp post in my area. Heh,penakut juga this fella. J

I’m sorry that I didn’t visit u either at the hospital or during the memorial service. Had some difficulties back then, just cant get away with it. In some say, I was a bit glad that I didn’t go..because if I did went, I think I can never let those images of u laying down in a comma, seeing u in a coffin, that will just broke me down and killing me slowly inside. I’m a very emotional and weak person when come to these kind of things. I really respect PREMA for being such a strong person. If I were prema… I cant imagine.

Tian leng. I’m writing this with tears flowing out from my eyes. At times, I just cant believe that u are not here with us anymore. I would tell myself, that “Tian Leng study oversea, I cant be reached” just to make myself feel better. Yeah. ‘oversea’. It is soo over the sea, till no one can reach u. ~sigh~

I still have the photos of u, baring at my katil as if its urs. It was cute and agak lucah, the way u posed. J it makes me smile whenever I look at it. U always brings a smile on everyone’s face. Who doesn’t smile when they see ur face?

Tian Leng. My Andy Lau.

“ Engkau datang seperti cahaya.Cahaya yang menerangi kehidupan semua..”

• From the movie Ayat-Ayat Cinta

I miss that cahaya. I miss you.

Shima.

FRIENDS

It has been 5 months 18 hours n 7 minutes since u left us all behind. Im missin u dearly jack.
I've always regreted for not takin enough pictures of us together esp when we were on a trip. Now all u left me is juz memories tat will fade through time. I cant even remember ur voice anymore jack. How i wished I've all the videos n pictures of us doin stupid shit together so tat i can laugh back at how silly we were. I appreciate tat i was given a chance to know u and being 1 of ur best fren in ur life. I just hated it when I think back of the places we went and came back without a single piece of photo to look at. Maybe we were young and naive and don really care much about pictures but now i u'stand wat it's worth. Just wish tat i had more pictures of us to look back at our short and wonderful frenship.

After so long, I finally realize tat ur not 1 of us. Ur not normal human beings with normal mission in hand. Mayb...juz mayb ur an angel sent down to light up the life of others. No matter who ur with...u alwiz make them feel comfortable when ur around. There are something different about u. Ur best frens to many many people.
I've just finished readin all the testi u've got after ur gone. Y do we say the things we wana say when it's over? Y cant we say those things more often when they're still around us? When was the last time u tell sum 1 tat u care for them? esp frens. When was the last time u hear sum 1 tells u tat ur the best fren they ever had? or hav u ever recieve those compliments?

U were best frens to more than 30 people in ur life. whom of them do u consider ur best fren ever jack? guess i can never answer tat for u. During ur funeral..I was ur best fren cuz tat's wat they all been sayin cuz we were frens since primary. Yet does tat really count for u? To me...ur 1 of my many many best frens but ur rite there on top. Top of the list! Many has put u on the top of their list. Kwek...bala...dale...tai..

.feri...inder..ashwin...rajiv...galvin...allan...juz to name a few. U r the best fren for all of us n u alwiz know how to make us laugh. It's really amazing doesn't it? For a man who doesn't speak much in the public, can have so many best frens frm different background is something we need to learn from him.

Ur such a great fren and we were such a team together aren't we? Many accused we're gay cuz we were so close even ur gf jealous of us. Many have asked are we brothers cuz we're the brown chinese which u taught me tat it is called chigga.(indicatin chinese+nigga) We've learnt so much from each other. ur not only my fren...ur my bro. i know i never told u all these before...but u r the best fren i ever got. Thanks for being part of ur life. I'll live to tell the stories abt u.

I'll see u when im done here. Bless me from above. I'll update u every now and then Tian Long.

WWS

Between Heaven & Earth

"Have you ever wondered what marks our timing? If one life can really make an impact on the world? Or if the choices we make matter? Sometimes in order to move forward, you have to go back. In this case, just a few minutes."

"Do you ever wonder how long it takes to change your life? What measure of time is enough to be life altering? Is it four years like high school? One year? An eight week rock tour? Can your life change in a month, or a week, or a single day? We're always in a hurry to grow up, to go places, to get ahead. And when you're young, one hour can change everything."

"If you could go back and change one thing about your life, would you? And if you did, would that change make your life better? Or would that change ultimately break your heart? Or break the heart of another? Or would you choose an entirely different path? Or would you change just one thing, just one moment? One moment, that you've always wanted back."

One moment of judgement, that separates between heaven and earth.

- Quotes taken from One Tree Hill (S04E13 - Pictures of You / S04E14 - Sad Songs for Dirty Lovers /S04E10 - Songs to Love & Die By) -

His Room

One can tell a lot about a person from looking at his room.

As some of you were asking - yes, his room, bicycle, gym/sports equipment, books, are kept tidy as they were before he left, except for his clothes and old magazines.

The dream about you

It was 4 a.m. when I woke up to find out that it was only a dream. Clearly to me it was as if Jack came back to life and we were catching up on every single thing he missed out on. It was like the television series Smallville when Chloe was shown to be burned in her own house (don't quite remember much about that).Anyhow Jack came back to college and somehow or rather I happen to be walking around the hostel area when I spotted that familiar face standing outside the room of M2, turned out to be that the whole lot of M15 his favorite room shifted into M2 for some reason. I was totally shocked that I stood there and did nothing till he turned around to get his water bottle filled at the water cooler just outside his room. With that his reaction changed when he saw me standing there doing nothing, he then asked me what the hell are you doing there just standing there aren't you going to approach me? I just froze there the same way I was when I saw him in hospital the first time. I then snapped out of it from just freezing there and said "hi" of all the words I said that. I couldn't believe I just said that. He smiled back at me and then called black out of his room to have a look at me and black told me that it was real he is here. Telling me that it was Tian Leng in front of me. The last thing I remembered I called out his name and only to realize that I was only dreaming. Even though its been 2 months plus since he left us all behind. And for me being 6,612 ++ kilometers away from our hometown, it still hasn't made me forget about Jack. You left me and many others clueless as of what happened but at least I do know that you are still around us no matter where we are......

Shaun.

Unbelievable

Truth is not easy to come by.

Especially when the "why" remains unanswered, many of us still can't rest in peace.

Some say "Just let go. It's all fated."

But "How" ... if "Why" is still left with so many question marks.

Tian Leng may had many flaws. But despite his many split personalities (he liked to act to make ppl laugh), he was also pretty much a predictable sort of guy. Close friends would know his character and read him like a book.

So high. The green-tiled rooftop slants downwards. Misty night, wet roof, no witnesses or witnesses who claimed they didn't see him or hear him step into THEIR room... Yet, the police at Genting has closed off the case as accident without any solid witnesses or questioning. Why didn't he just get the key from his room mate? What was the fight all about between the Indian students and the Disciplinary Master just before the incident?

The mystery of Khoo Tian Leng or the unbelievable truth?

- Hsieh May -

Happy CNY

Happy Chinese New Year to u man...1st time taking ang pow with out u by my side. 1st time stepping into ur hse with out u there entertainin us in the past as a great host. No more mahjong with u...no more gambling with u...but when i gamble...i keep callin u to come out but u didn't...tat's y lost money...lol...after reading other posts, i just feel like writtin some thing for u. Wanted to on ur b'day...but dono wat to say. After visiting ur hse...need to report to u d now.

I wasn't really sure whether to go visit ur family anot cuz ur sis told us not to during xmas...but after asking june june...ur mum planned with me abt it..usually it was u who come n tell us wat time n when. So when i reach the front gate...still feeling unsure abt all tis cuz it's only 2 months since u went away and i don wana do anything tat is gonna hurt ur family more but I do believe tat u would want us to come and make some noise at ur hse. Not long after settling down in the hall...ur dad brought a can of tiger n said " I know u need tis now". it sounds so familiar cuz u were the 1 tat usually says tat to me when i reach ur hse. guess the khoo family really can drink. ur mum said june june tried drinkin beer and she said it's nice. LOL...jack..how la...ur younger sis tasted alcohol liao.

Then i asked ur dad whether wana gamble anot...n strait he finds for cards but ur hse got no cards. then kok siang brought cards frm his car. me n ur dad started gamblin 1st...i lost 5 bucks then win it back from ur dad. ur dad really funny la. every year sure catch me n play some funny game then lose money to him 1. but it was fun. When prema n jun jun was in ur room...i went in too. Then ur mum came to me and talked abt u. Nothing has changed in ur room but ur family has wrapped up ur gym set n bicycle so tat it wont rust. When ur mum talked abt tat nite when u fell...she said tat if only u were sent in to a private rather than the stupid government hospital...she cant hold her tears anymore...thank god i still can hold it infront of her. If not jun jun n prema sure gonna join the big burst out in ur room. We talked abt u 24/7...we misses u 24/7. It's been 2 months n 8 days since u left us...but to me it's like u left us y'day. Every time i read tis blog...it gives me heartache and missis u more. Now i know tat u even brain washed ur mum abt youngsters lifestyle. Cuz she said tat i wont wake up till noon...so she agreed tat we come to the hse after 3. If u can hear me Jack...pls go visit ur parents in their dream k. They missed u dearly everyday n nite. Chinese New Year without Jack...very very boring. PD with out Jack...very quiet ever since. Life without u...sucks terribly.

Come visit me in my dream wei...don always lepak in ur genting room only.
happy CNY n Happy belated B'day. Listen to me n go visit ur parents k.
Ciao.

ur bro,
wai seng.

In Our Hearts

In Our Hearts

We thought of you with love today,
But that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday,
And the days before that, too.
We think of you in silence.
We often speak your name.
Now all we have is memories,
And your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake,
With which we'll never part.
God has you in His Keeping.
We have you in our Heart.

~author unknown~

Gone but Not Forgotten

It’s already 2 months plus since jack left this world. Losing jack is like losing 10 friends or even more. Since he left, Pd is so quiet n we don’t even know what to do during the weekends. normally he would plan what to do during weekends such as go for movies,fishing,watch football,tani...what I admire about jack is he will bring prema and chiil wit us during the weekends because most of them once they have a girlfriend they would slowly avoid their friends n only be wit their girlfriend. Even when jack just started the relationship he never forget us in pd,every weekend without failing he will call us out if he comes back.1 thing for sure, if u need a favor from him he hardly say no, if he can help u he will try his best to help. Before 3rd of December 2008, I would rush back after my classes on Fridays to get back home, and sometimes meet jack at kl and go back to Pd together. but now I don’t really feel like going back pd I just don’t know y. whatever it is im proud that I had jack as great friend/brother/hengtai in my life n I don’t think anyone can replace him. No matter what life goes on and , I would like to achieve something for him and always pray that he is doing good up there and god will take good care of him.

Rajiv

Life and Politics in Malaysia

Telephone call answered by the 3rd ring

15 minutes to renew your business license

2 hours to apply for a new passport

7 days payment made to 60% of contractors who had submitted their invoices

14 days the maximum amount of time before a contractor is paid after he has submitted his invoice

70% of backlog cases in land offices have been cleared since 2004

- "One Service, One Deliver, No Wrong Door" as announced by Chief Secretary Tan Sri Mohd Sidek Hassan [New Sunday Times, 3rd Feb 08] -

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On a separate issue:

1 - 2 hours for an ambulance to arrive.

2 police reports filed on a similar case before they realised there was a duplicate.

9 hours a critically injured patient was left in the "emergency ward" before he was prepped for surgery.

6,360km (3,432 nautical miles) the distance of a phone call made by someone from another country to another important someone at the hospital in order to get the doctors to take action.

7 hours for a police officer to arrive at mortuary. Less than 5 minutes to snap some pictures.

3 visits to the hospital before someone can tell you the right answer that to get medical records and doctor's statement, one needs to go to "Wisma Kayu".

60 days you'll have to wait to get the doctor's statement and signature on a "yes/no" and short answers 1-page form.

RM200 - RM1,000 you'll need to pay depending on "kerumitan kes" should you require the full medical record. (people don't need a new statement or modified record, just the existing medical records, how "rumit" can that be?!)

Min 60 days waiting period to get medical records.

13 police summonses before bus driver claimed three lives on a road accident.

- Voice of a frustrated Malaysian, and representing many more -

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Elsewhere in Malaysia:

There is still a chance to get away with corruption at the highest level in Malaysia even if you are caught on video with the now infamous quote by VK Lingam "it looks like me, sounds like me, the room matches the living room in my house, but I will not say 100% it is me."

Barisan National's big guns descended on Penang to hand out RM millions worth of goodies (in view of the coming general election). [The Star, 2nd Feb 08]

Malaysia's PM launched The Emperor's Clothes boutique belonging to daughter at Pavillion KL.

Health Minister got caught in a sex scandal.

The ironies of life and politics in Malaysia. Time to stand up, take action and be counted!

Happy Bday Brother

I've been back in malaysia for two weeks now..i still remember we planned to hang out a lot when i came back..u promised to hang out with me..sigh..malaysia isnt the same without you..subang isnt the same without you..Happy Birthday Khoo..

faisal

ur day..

Happy birthday Jack.

Kwek

My Chocolate Carousel

MY CHOCOLATE CAROUSEL
Chocolate cake....hhmmm...evrytime when it comes to this time..this day..of the year...we would have the heavenly chocolate cake..so devilicious that it melts in your mouth..you cant help but to take a bite of it when u see it. irresistible wei..however unfortunately..during this time of the year..we won’t be having that anymore..what am i talking bout?...

Well..its our dear beloved tian leng’s bday on the 1st of feb.and evrytime..we would have chocolate cake on this day..well..its cause its tian leng’s favourite cake.

**~Chocolate Cake~**

i thought of the past few years where our family, for sure are gonna have chocolate cake on every year on the 1st of Feb. miss the chocolate cake..but what is it compared to dear jack. it can be replaced and bought another day..on the other hand, Tian Leng..?its someone, a life that no one can replace. Ever...

There’s like this feeling inside of me...a prickly feeling.i feel like i’m still living in the past and not wanting to lose that feeling. The feeling that Tian Leng is still here. Everytime at home i always think of him..Thinking that he’s in college and he is coming back on weekends. Feeling that anxiety of him coming back....

Now every weekends i remember the days where he would come back in the evening..i was hoping for him to reach that front gate..knock on the door and call out my name..I keep imagining that image..That picture of him..That feeling that i always feel when he comes home..but it is so different now..i wait but he’s not coming. i try to hear but its fading. i try to feel but it’s not real.

Sometimes i even force myself to think that what I saw last time was not real. That it wasn’t Tian Leng. Then is not him and that this is a terrible nightmare. a nightmare that i will forget once i wake up and realise that it was all only a dream and it did not even happened. Then i realised..
“No June..It’s real...it had happened. u were in the hospital, u were there, and u saw him. It was him lying there, that was his blood, that was his face, his body, his hand. That was him and he’s gone.”
I tried to reject that fact. Thinking that it was all like in those drama movies but it wasn’t. This is reality.

When i was watching heroes the other day,i thought how nice it would be if i had superpowers.in that case i could turn stop time and go back into the past like hiro nakamuri?then i could save tian leng.or what if i could paint the future like Isaac mendez?then i could predict the future and stop tian Leng from that tragic fall. What if Tian Leng had the ability to fly like Nathan petrelli? Then he would have survived that fall. What if Tian Leng had Claire Bennett’s in the same case just like wolverine powers? He can heal himself and still be here having a time of his life.
But its all just movies and unreal dreams..

I made up a nickname for Tian Leng.its called Chocolate Carousel. I nicknamed him this caused he liked chocolate cakes a lot. Carousel is a place in the palace of the golden horses where he went for his intern. His friends said that that was his favourite place in that hotel where he feels calm and has peace in his heart. i thought it is a good combination. It sounds like a creamy chocolate cake with drizzles of syrup and white chocolate with a dash of flaky icing dust on top. Sounds elegant and heavenly to me. =)

I will keep you in my heart always loving you sincerely and missing you dearly! especially when I’m eating chocolate cake! ;p HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY KOH KOH!! I hope you are having a blast up there, bringing joy and laughter to the angels around you! last but not least...i dedicate this memory verse to you! Think that you did found the true meaning of love and i know that you are carrying it with you now.

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." (I Corinthians 13:4-8).

With all hugz,kisses & love,
June ^,^

Mr Jack

I know jack's birthday is on yesterday. I wish him Happy Birthday and hope he will have a good peace in the sky. Besides that, we doesn't know very well to each other, but he is my senior in the Palace of the Golden Horses Hotel. He was from the Genting College and he same as me had a training in the hotel. He also had mentioned that he felt this Golden Horses was the Five stars hotel and great to training in here. On the other hand,he was a kind,willing to help,funny and many more. I am so happy to add him as a friend and he also would shared his experience with me. This is because I was afraid to training in this hotel. I not always saw him during working or after work. Suddenly, after I finished to attend my convocation at JW Marriott Hotel. The next day I heard a bad news from my friend,Haris. He send me a message to inform me that he already passed away. First, I was shocked and I can't believed this was true. I asked my friend check properly and then sms back to me. At 10.30pm, Haris sms me and said that this new was true. Ay this moment, I can't accept this truth that Khoo was passed away on last year. So,in the end I also need to accepted the truth. Anyway, I hope his family don't felt upset and hope also Khoo can went in peace. Last but not least, I just want to said thank you to Khoo share his experience to me.

Lim Seu Kee

for all whom he loved and loved him...he is still with you

was jack's birthday ystdy. i nvr felt more sense of loss than i did ystdy thinking hw it would hv been if he was still around wit his best buddies organising some birthday party n me finding out about all de hillarious tactics dat they did once they were sloshed. i am away from home..so far away from where i wished i was on de 1st of Feb when the clock striked 12. i actually planned to drink for him but i fell sick a few hours earlier. it reminded me of when i went to the hospital to see him after the fall..i fell sick then n was stil recovering when i fell sick again the day before his birthday..i wanted so badly to be back home and to go to the beach..bt since i couldnt, i went to the lake near my housing area in

kampar and just thought of him dat nite..i felt the pain and i felt the loss..til today when i look at his pictures, read this blog or just think about him and all the ppl in his life who hold him so dear, i find myself thinking of how unreal it felt that he was gone..suddenly i feel so detached..like im living in a dream...cause living in that dream is much more better than to admit to myself that he really is gone..that he wont be cmg back..you see if i was dreaming, i would wake up sooner or later, n he'll still be there..and no one would be suffering inside n there wouldnt be any pain. he would be smiling that smile, n his jeep would drive me crazy n id stil want 2 kill his dogs..his sister wouldnt hv lost their brother, prema would stil be with the man she loves, wai seng and kwek wouldnt hv lost their brother, valentino fc would still hv their left winger, de 6 jahanam would hv remained de 6 jahanam..and we wouldnt hv lost a great soul, n i would stil make fun of him about all de nonsense he used to do while i was his neighbour...

moving on is still hard to do bt time does not seem to want to stop just for a little while..everything has change bt there is one thing we can do 4 him..n dat is to celebrate his life here on earth regardless of how short it was cause he has made such a great impact no matter hw small or big in de lives of everyone he has evr met...all i can say is dat let us live our lives as he did and make him proud..keep him in our hearts..let him live through us..n we shall keep his memory and his spirit alive..

happy birthday mr...i hope you had a kick ass party up there...we all miss you badly...oh and another thing..if you happen to bump into heath ledger up there, say hello to him for me k...take care of yourself mr..check in on the others from time to time...dun play to many pranks k...

it was wonderful being your schoolmate, neighbour and friend..thank you for all the memories..

caroline

1st february special day

Apapun yang terjadi, berjalan tanpa henti,airmata yang tertahan,waktu untuk dijatuhkan, nanti kita kan tahu, betapa bijaknya hidup, sepahit apa pun inbi, pelajaran yang bererti, semoga kepegiaanmu, tak akan merubah apapun,semoga mampu ku lawan kesepiaanku.......(song by Datin Sri Siti Nurhaliza-Melawan kesepian). 1st febuary adalah hari yang bahgia....Embun dipagi buta,menebarkan bau basah,detik demi detik ku hitung namun dihati tabah akan kepergiannya.Hampir 2 bulan mendiang khoo tian leng meninggalkan kita.namun dihati tetap sedih akan kepergiaanya.Siang berganti malam...malam berganti siang....hujan....petir.....panas...mendung...adalah kewujudan di dunia.Sedih dihati tiada siapa yang akan megerti.Hanya berbaurkan kesedihan yang amat menusuk dihati.1st febuary is a special date bagi mendiang khoo ian leng.Tarikh tersebut adalah hari yang bermakna bagi dirinya.Tahun berganti tahun pasti mendiang khoo tian leng menunggu saat yang amat bermakna bagi dirinya.1st febuary akan menjelma dengan hari yang trpenting bagi dirinya.Ia adalah hari ulang tahun lahir mendiang Khoo tian leng .walaupun tahun 2008 tiada kesampaian hanya ku sampaikan doa agar roh mendiang Khoo Tian Leng aman tenteram.Entahlah mengapa Kepergiaan mendiang Khoo Tian leng tidak dapat dilupakan.Bila ke wangsa maju teringat akan mendiang...kerana disitu lah satu-satu nya tempat membawa hati yang tenang.Seakan-akan bayang-bayang nya megekori.Andainya masa dapat diputarkan pasti ku ulangkan masa yang menceriakan bersama mendiang Khoo Tiang Leng.Tidak semudah itu untuk melupakan seseorang yang terlalu banyak berbakti.Jasa dan budi mendiang Khoo Tian Leng pasti ku kenang hingga ke akhir hayat.Kenakalan mendiang khoo Tian Leng bermain diminda.Teringat waktu bergurau senda sehingga mengeluarkan air mata.Kenakalan,funny,rajin,cergas adalah keperibadiaan mendiang Khoo Tian Leng.Keperibadiaan mendiang Khoo Tiang Leng amat sempurna.Tiada hari yang membosankan mendiang Khoo Tian Leng.Bagi diri mendiang adalah menceriakan dengan senyuman yang manis dan ikhlas.Dimana....Kemana.....Disitu....Disini.....Kesana....kemari....satu imbuhan yang tiada noktahnya!.....namun kini nokhtah terhenti dengan begitu sahaja.Kepergiaannya amat menyedihkan walaupun hampir 2 bulan akan kepergiaanya.Air yang tenang begitu jernihnya sekali...Air dilaut berombak dengan alunnya menghayutkan segala kenangan manis bersama mendiang Khoo Tian Leng .segala kenangan manis bersama mendiang Khoo Tian Leng menjadi memori yang terindah.Kenangan terindah.....pahatkan didalam hati agar segalanya menjadi satu memori yang terindah.ku menyaksikan dedaun kekeringan....gugur ke bumi.....kesan tiada penyeri.....kepergiaanmu Khoo tiang leng tak akan kuleraikan sepanjang persahabatan.Ku menadah tangan dan terus berdoa agar dirimu disana tenteram dengan amannya....! 1st febuary 2008 adalah ulangtahun mendiang Khoo Tian Leng yang Ke-22.hanya.....doa mampu ku hadiahkan......

dari sahabat mu ( MOHAMAD HARRIS FASLI-SRI AMAN SARAWAK)..................

Luv & Respect

Light a Candle in Loving Memory

This 1st February, light a candle in loving memory of Tian Leng. He won't be celebrating 22 years of life, but we will pay respect to his 21 years of joy and laughter, of sadness and bitterness, of sorrow and fear, of pain and gain, of friendship and brotherhood.




Light a candle of love and respect this 1st February.



Love,
Hsieh May

Unsolved

It was ten past 12 in the foggy n very very cold thurs mornin tat i step my foot on the ground where my beloved best buddy fell down on the 30th nite on Nov 2007. His frens in genting told me tat the weather was same on tat fateful nite and tat gav me a kinda chill tat i nv felt b4...i stood at the place lookin up at his room and started talkin to myself tat how can he climb out when it's so high!?

Mixed emotions running through my heart n soul while rememberin him..i was kinda relief tat i finally get a chance to really look at the place n understand how it all happened. At the other hand...sadness tat i cant hide frm myself n others caught me up too. No words can really describe how i feel at tat moment when i was there..cold breeze n fog sadden me more cuz it was the same when he fell. Tat was the place where his last event held.He was unconscious after the fall and he lost alot of blood there. I was imagining the whole process and it was pain and nothing else. The pain of losing such a great fren like him is hard to overcome and it still hurts whenever i think abt him. The pain may have been lessen as time pass by but the scar of tis wound could nv heal no matter how long it takes. Standin there.thinkin tat how all tis could happen to him..i felt like he was there when i looked at the place n he kinda rush me up to his room so tat i wont catch a cold standin out there too long.

So i went up into his room n chat with his room mates and the 2 china guys tat saw him last climbin out of the window from next door. No one could clearly tell me wat time did he exactly fell. The 2 china neighbours too cant remember wat time it really happened. I kinda doubt wat the china guys were telling as they were claimin tat they were using earphone playing game while Tian Leng came into their room. Apparently they said tat they din notice his presence until he was right behind them and couldn't stop him from climbin out........Wat in the world were they thinking? People came into ur room and u were unnoticed abt it? They said the door were unlocked...lights were on and were playing game..but how could u never realise tat he came in? Same reasons again...was playing game..they saw him but din spoke to him. Wish i was there to stop him...I wonder how can this 2 china guys goes to sleep e'vynite after the incident. They could've stop tis tragedy frm happenin but they were PLAYING GAME WITH EARPHONE ON.

Nothing much tat i can find out frm them...it's like they've practiced tis speech 4 quite sum time. Up til today...no one in the college can tell why he wana get back into his room after the event without his keys. NO 1. Some poeple said tat it's fate....u cant stop it from happenin. Some people said tat there was foul play...Many versions has been spread abt how he fell among those tat got to kno him. I haven't get the chance to hear other versions but when i do..i'll post it out so tat u all kno how bad it can end up to be when rumours started spreading. He fell and broke his ribs...some says tat somethin went through his lungs while he fell and it caused his lungs to malfunction. Ridiculous people with ridiculous thoughts spreadin ridiculous rumours. After asking few questions to tat china guys..after hearin all his part of the stories...was kinda speechless and sent him back to his room. Mind was constantly thinkin abt wat happen... disappointed cuz no one has the answers to all the questions i asked. All claimed tat it happen too sudden and they were shocked. Mistery still unsolved...how i wish tat Tian Leng can come into my dreams n tell me wat really happen tat nite.

A fren of mine told me tat i should juz forget abt it cuz i can never kno the truth abt wat really happen tat nite. Im not a detective nor CSI..but i can never give up askin witnesses on tat nite. I've planned for another visit and meeting more of those tat was there when it happened. The nite was still very cold n foggy when i was abt to leave from there at abt 3 am. I really miss him alot and even felt his presence during the whole visit. I kno tat he is around lookin after us all. I'll try to find out wat really happened tat nite Jack. Rest in peace bro....

Ysync

PSALM 139:7-12

Where can i flee from your spirit?
where can i flee from your presence?
If i go up to the heavens,you are there;
if i make my bed in the depths you are there.
If i rise on the wings of the dawn,if i settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
I say, "surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you.

PSALM 139:7-12

once in yf,pastor ask us to write this memory verse in a piece of paper.tian leng gave it to prema and she still keeps it till now.remember that god is always with you tian leng,you are not alone.
this is a memory verse 4 u tian leng.the meaning and the words just so connects to you.
just for u koh..

June

A Visit from Tian Leng

I got a visit from Tian Leng. Don't remember much of the beginning. Just the part where his handphone rang. It was a call from him saying that he was home.

I was upstairs, in my room. So, I quickly ran down the stairs and stopped midway. There he was, standing by the door with tears in his eyes.

"I'm home..." he said.

As I took slow steps down, he extended his arms and reached out to me.

"No, you can't be real. I'm dreaming right? I'm still dreaming right?" I asked, and felt warm tears rolling down my cheeks.

He just gave me a weak smile.

I reached the bottom of the stairs and stood face to face with Tian Leng. He looked handsome. Healthy. No cuts or bruises or dilated pupils. Just ....... him. Just the way I remember him.

Then he held both my hands, leaned closer and gave me that trademark grin - raised eyebrows, big eyes and cheeky. Suddenly, he turned serious, looked directly into my eyes as if he was trying to say "listen to me", frowned and squeezed my hands so hard I jolted up.

It was a dream. But the numbness was real. Both my hands were numb. Very numb. I had to sit up and shake my hands until I felt the prickles of blood gushing through the veins. Then I found myself crying. It was so real. He... was so real. I hardly remember my dreams. I always forget once I wake up. But this dream .. his frown, his voice, the warmth of his hands, the hard squeeze, the brotherly love in his eyes, it was just sooo real.

When he stayed with me during his internship, I told him about waking up with numbness in my hands. I went to see a GP. He took my blood pressure and told me that it was probably due to air-conditioning. Tian Leng advised me to see doctor again because numbness is usually related to heart disease. Second doctor said I'm too young to be getting heart disease and probability of female is even lower. Tian Leng then told me that I just needed to exercise. "damn fat la you. You just need to exercise and lose weight and get better blood circulation. Else later you get diabetes then you know!"

Did he come into my dream to warn me of troubles ahead? Or was it just a visual replay of my subconscious mind? Between the logics of science and the complexities of spiritual realm, which one is real? Nonetheless, I take solace in the former and the comforting thought that he's looking down upon us, watching over us.

Maybe ... just a message from him that he's home. Always has been. Always will be.



- Hsieh May -

4 Bottles in Your Life

Why I Can't Forget Him

the dear frenz of the late khoo tian leng.... knowing that i was his gf... and he was the love of my life.... asked me to move on with my life and to be strong. there was one who told me to be a successful person and make him proud... well my reply to all of them is simple.... i will try my best and let time heal me.

i find it so hard to move on...
hard to forget the memories...
and the things we had and shared...
wat he did was like a routine...
i knew wat he wanted to do, before he could..
i knew wat was he gonna say before he said it...
i could read wat he was thinking at certain times....
i can still smell his sweat after futsal... or games..
i can still hear his voice.. in my heart
i can still feel him holding me at times..
i miss his kisses.. i miss his touch...
i miss his jokes... and i miss his sweet smile..

he was a person so important to me...
no one knew... who he is.. to me...
only people like his close frenz and family knew who i was..
thats how private he was...
but to me.... he is not just a boyfriend... he was a protector..
a lover .... a fren.. a counsellor... a companion.. my guide...
he was my no 1 supporter... he gave me the confidence to do anything i wanted...

when i first died my hair.. he was the one who gave me the confidence.. he said i would look like salma hayek... hehe.... well watever he say to me was a real motivation for me to strive in everything i did...

losing... losing him... was like me being in a coma state for a time being....
i couldnt think rasionally.. and i couldnt make any decisions on my own...
now my support comes from my family or sometimes my frenz...
but its not the same... he said it with lots of love and really in a deep thinking way....

i miss him lots.. as the day goes by... i miss him more.. People says that time will
heal the broken heart or the loss.. or the grieving state... but for me this is not true... not at all .... i miss him more and more as each day passes by...

im sure he wants to see me moving on... and being someone in the future...
i think i will do so.. being someone in future... but moving on... seems so hard ... i really don think thats easy.. as for me ... i really hope ... i am with him before i can move on... i wanna do the things he promised me he would.... the things he promised to do was...

1. to go to penang with me for christmas.
2. to go to australia together for our further studies
3. to give me a ring... for our engagement... was to be on the 13th october 2008... 3rd year anniversary...
4. go travelling together
5. to love me more.... give me more attention.

he was supposed to come back on the friday and see me on the saturday... but i couldnt see him or hear him... cause he was already in the hospital by then... i still find it so hard to believe he is gone.... cause i still awaits him with much enthusiasm... to hear his voice and for him to hug me... and just kiss me... or make a stupid joke...

he was my happiness... he brought laughter to my life... and he filled my life with much joy..
i was a lonely person.. with frenz only bout a number of them to go around with... but after knowing him.... his frenz were my frenz too ... the ironic part is that when he left.... he gave me his frenz... so that i wont be alone.... but its not the same... without him.... but i am grateful to have frens like this .... cause they really support u to the max.... and they are now... the reason why i stand strong today.... i cant thank him enough for bringing his frenz into my life.....

i know he is heaven shinning his light upon me... to guide me... but i pray everytime... that i would be able to meet him and be with him for eternity... and that we will be able to do the things we wanted ..... i will continue my journey on earth as he did... and i will live life to the fullest like he did.... i just want him to know.... i will never stop loving him... and he is still part of my heart and my life.... no one... no one ,.... can fill his shoes... in my life!!!

i miss u my darling tian leng... we will meet again... one fine day!! love u....

Tiada Yang Abadi

I guess this is the song that would best describe all those who know Tian Leng feel now.

(I)
Bila malam datang menjelang
Terasa berat menyesakkan jiwa
Hangat bertemankan rembulan
Sendiri bertahan ....

Tiada seindah waktu itu
Kala dunia penuh dengan tawa
Tak pernah terlintas padaku
Begini akhirnya ....

Reff :
Sepi sendiri di sini
Semua telah sirna
Hanya sekejap saja
Tiada yang akan abadi
Hanya menanti sang surya
Bersinar kembali

Back to : (I), Reff

Hangat bertemankan rembulan
Sendiri bertahan

Back to : Reff


Gary